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You don’t have to be in love to have great sex

“If the love is there, the vagina will suck the penis in itself.” So said sexologist Goedele Liekens on British TV show Sex Box. It paints quite a picture, right?

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It’s actually a sex position known as the lotus, and one adventurous couple, Chris and Jojo, tried it out in the Sex Box studio after Liekens said it was a great way of testing how intense the love between a couple is.

According to the sexologist, to achieve the lotus position, the man sits cross-legged while his partner straddles him, wrapping her legs around his body. At this point, the intertwined couple should gaze into each other’s eyes, and if the intense feelings are there, there will be an “awakening of the genitals.”

Liekens explained that the vaginal muscles would contract and “suck the penis in” without the woman needing to do anything. This should be followed by rocking movements — “no pumping, just intense contact” — which would make it more likely for both parties to orgasm together.

Sex Box‘s Chris and Jojo seemed pretty pleased with the results, describing the experience as surreal and revealing that they achieved the most intimate connection of their sex life and climaxed together.

Good for them. But let’s rewind a little. “If the love is there, the vagina will suck the penis in itself.” So… if a couple isn’t in love but mad crazy in lust, will the lotus position not work? And if there’s no obvious “sucking” action down below, does that mean the relationship is doomed?

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“Linking the position to love sends a message that couples who can’t or choose not to do it this way aren’t in love,” says Kait Scalisi, MPH sex and relationship coach and founder of Passion by Kait.

“It also assumes that you need to be in love to have great sex,” she continues. “While most people do have better sex when they feel high levels of trust and affection towards their partner, people who aren’t in love can be incredibly sexually compatible. Just like people who are deeply in love might struggle sexually. I’m pretty over this idea that love is the key ingredient to mind-blowing pleasure! Furthermore, by setting this up as a sort of love test, this claim gives people one more unrealistic expectation to live up to.”

Scalisi’s advice is to not worry about any lack of vagina-penis-sucking action and to enjoy the lotus position for the deep connection it can foster. This is largely due to maintaining eye contact, which is an innately intimate act and releases that good old love hormone, oxytocin.

“Staring into each other’s eyes starts shifting your mind from the day and what’s going on to being present with your partner,” Scalisi adds. “This helps both people enjoy themselves more and feel more deeply connected.”

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