Thanks to pop culture and friendly advice, we women assume it’s easy as pie to get a guy off (case and point, the movie American Pie). If anyone’s going to be hard to please in bed, it’s going to be us, because we’ve got the more complicated sexy parts, right? Well, according to a new Canadian study, that notion is so wrong it’s scary. Apparently, men aren’t nearly as sexually satisfied as they’ve led us to believe, because they’re faking one in four orgasms. One in four!
Believe it or not, that’s actually a bit more frequent than how often women fake the big O. While a 2010 study on female orgasms seems to suggest we do it more (80 percent of women are faking it half the time), when you crunch the numbers, that’s still less than 25 percent of the time, all the time. Is this shaking anyone else’s most firmly held beliefs about sex right now?
The study was simple enough — researchers at the Université du Québec a Montréal asked 230 male volunteers between the ages of 18 and 29 if they’ve ever faked an orgasm and, if so, how often. Now perhaps Canadian men are just harder to please sexually than other nationalities, or they’re more polite, so they lend their partner additional moral support even though they’re not quite getting them there. Whatever the reason, it’s definitely a problem about which men have kept silent for way too long. It’s not all about us, guys! I know we’re pretty, but this is a team effort here. Nobody scores unless everybody scores!
Fake Os among men seem to happen most often during vaginal intercourse, although a sizable percentage also claim they fake it during oral and manual stimulation as well. And they’re doing it for the same reason we do it — to make their sexual partner feel like they’re doing a good job (even though they’re not). Other reasons these Canadian men gave for faking were because they were intoxicated or wound up having sex they weren’t thrilled about and just wanted it to be over (hey, we’ve all been there).
While it’s easy to look at these findings as a betrayal on the part of our male counterparts, remember we’re just as guilty of these little white lies that for the most part are orchestrated out of politeness. We want the other person to feel they’re doing well, so we all walk away under the assumption that a good time was had. While that’s a lovely sentiment, such chivalry will do nothing to improve the quality of sex we’re having.
I say it’s time all of us — men and women alike — stop the charade and give constructive criticism rather than inflated orgasms. We can call it the “O-tervention,” and just like any other uncomfortable issue that’s gone unaddressed for a while, we should feel free to talk openly, in a safe place, about why we fake it. Let’s start posting faked-O admissions at #Otervention and begin the difficult but necessary journey towards better sexual experiences. Join me?