If you have ever been in one of those fights with your spouse that seems like it will never end and just keeps going around and around, then this advice is for you. Science has now revealed that there is one, six-word phrase you can use to end all arguments.
“I see where you’re coming from.”
That’s it. It’s so simple, right? And it makes such perfect sense. My husband and I have been in many fights like that where it just seems like we are both talking over each other and blaming one another for everything. Neither of us is hearing the other and we are both furious and too stuck in our own rut to even look at the other person. But this phrase could change all that.
It’s what marriage counseling is all about. You validate the person by validating their feelings. You might not agree, but you hear them. You see them. You can see where they are coming from. Thinking back on all my fights with my husband, it’s so true. Most of the time all I want is for him to see it from my perspective.
One of our most common fights is about the amount of time I spend working out. I like to do about two hours a day and admittedly, this puts a great deal of pressure on him. Sometimes when we are in the thick of one of our arguments, there is me screaming about how important both yoga and running are to my sanity and happiness and success as a mother while he is yelling about how he gets less time to work out because of my constant pushing my own workout agenda. In a way, we are both right. And I do see his point. Maybe if I told him that, things would go better. And vice versa. Because the next step would be a compromise. Maybe I only do two-hour workouts a couple of times a week and the rest of the time I confine it to one. Or maybe we get more childcare so we can do things simultaneously. Or maybe we explore other options we haven’t considered. Either way, we would do something and we’d both feel better.
I am going to try this during my next fight. It’s genius. It’s simple. And I am guessing it will be 100 percent effective.