My husband and I separated four years ago. It’s been up and down and all over the place since then, but during all the moments of doubt and anger and frustration and what-have-I and what-did-we and what-if, I’ve never once questioned his ability or dedication as a father. Whatever has happened between the two of us, I know that he’s pretty much unbeatable when it comes to the whole parenting thing. Oh, and he’s the king of diaper changing.
In the years we’ve been apart, I haven’t met another man I’ve wanted to settle down and expand my family with. I’d like to think my baby-making days aren’t over just yet, and I’d love to have another child. To be completely honest, if I wanted to bring a third child into the mix (I already have one of each flavor), the only guy I’d want to do it with is my ex, regardless of the fact that he is just that — my ex.
Sure, it would be tricky. But aren’t parenthood and family life tricky at the best of times? He’s a wonderful dad. He puts our children first. Their adoration of him never flags, no matter how many days and nights he’s working away. Despite the fact that he lives in another house, he’s as opposite to an absent father as you could possibly imagine. In countless ways, he’s far more present in our kids’ lives than a bunch of dads I know who go back to the family home every evening.
However we may have f***ed up our marriage, we’ve done something right — what I think is the most important thing. We’ve managed to co-parent successfully despite the issues in our relationship. We spend time together as a family, from days out to weekends away. It’s taken a long time, but we’re friends. We know each other — what we need, what makes us tick, what we want out of life — as partners, as exes and as co-parents. No skeletons in the closet, no nasty surprises.
Surely the most important consideration when bringing a child into this world is who is around to give that little human the love, care and guidance it needs to survive and thrive. It really doesn’t matter whether that comes from a single parent, a married or cohabiting couple (in all its possible incarnations) or a separated couple who have each other’s backs and will put that baby first, no matter what.
I should say at this point that I definitely haven’t broached this subject with my ex. At this stage, it’s simply the kind of thing I ponder whenever my thoughts wander toward having another little person running amok in my house.
Is it strange to even entertain the idea of having a baby with an estranged partner? For many people it is. Having a baby with an ex may not be the norm, what what the hell is “normal” about family nowadays? Let’s forget about “normal” and focus on the love we can give our children, whatever form that takes.
Before you go, check out our slideshow below: