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How to find a balance between logic and love in a new relationship

A healthy relationship is made by looking at your thoughts and feelings in a way that helps you create long-lasting bonds with others, and the most successful couples balance their feelings with their logic. But how do you know the difference between the heart and the mind? Here are five questions to ask yourself when embarking on a new relationship.

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1. Do I feel a sense of ease around this person — am I emotionally calm?

While a small amount of anxiety might happen when a couple first meet (and in my therapeutic view, perfectly necessary and understood), ask yourself if you feel comfortable in the presence of the other person. If your answer is yes, it might be that your feelings are in tune with this person in developing a positive relationship. If you don’t feel at ease, you need to figure out why.

2. Are there many moments where conversation is flowing?

Being able to see what you have in common in terms of hobbies, backgrounds or experiences — or connecting on an intellectual level — is not a feeling but logic in love. Great communication can build those logical parts of love.

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3. Do I smile when I am around this person and when I think about them?

Being able to connect emotionally with another person when you’re together is a really good way to determine feelings of love When you’re away from them and still feeling a close connection, it’s a good sign you’re building a strong emotional connection.

4. What am I learning about the other person’s goals for the future, and do those match with my own?

This is a prime example of logic in love. While sometimes it takes time for people to open up, don’t worry — these are conversations that can be had as the relationship develops. Don’t be scared to have meaningful logical communication. I believe it helps the connection grow in terms of learning about the future and where people see themselves in time.

5. Am I feeling the relationship momentum?

Noticing things about the other person in terms of likes, dislikes, hobbies, work, day-to-day life is using logic. The other side to the coin is feeling and connection. Being able to seek out support or comfort from the other person is a feeling state — and, in my view, necessary for a strong bond. Momentum is achieved by building or growing as a couple and is a result of uniting both your mind and your heart.

Asking yourself these questions is a great way to process your own feelings and thoughts about healthy relationship development.

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