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14 signs your ‘nice guy’ is actually a massive creep

Despite whatever you’ve heard, nice guys do not finish last. Real men with hearts of gold come in all shapes and colors and should be treasured wherever you find them — and there are plenty of legitimately nice guys in the world. But sadly there are a few self-proclaimed woman-saviors that end up ruining the fun for everyone.

Take this guy for instance: An anonymous man decided he needed the ladies in his hometown to know that a) they have terrible taste in men and b) should be dating him instead of the “scum” they’re currently with. So he taped up a letter all over town detailing all his concerns. Unfortunately while he might truly be an honorable gentleman (maybe? hopefully?), his note didn’t make him sound like a nice guy at all.

It reads “OK, ladies. I get it. You don’t want a pleasant evening chat. You don’t want a gentleman to walk you to your car. You don’t want a friendly dude to help you carry your groceries… or hold open the door… or crush the life out of other men that would do you harm. Fine – fear the good guys… I guess we’ll have to just suffer through watching you get broken over and over by the scum you think you love. But I want you to know – it’s not easy and it hurts to see you fall. Give the good guys a chance to help you be less afraid of the world.”

Kind of terrifying, no?

There are so many red flags in this letter. The first of which is the fact that he’s a self-proclaimed “good guy” who’s obviously doing something not good. The logic gets worse from there. Let’s break it down, shall we?

Signs that “nice guy” is actually a total creeper

1. He has to tell you he’s a nice guy

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Good guys don’t walk around telling you how good they are and just expect you to take them at their word; they show you.

2. He expects to be rewarded for his good deeds

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OK, sure, we all like to be appreciated when we do something nice for someone. But just because a guy buys a lady dinner doesn’t mean he is owed sex afterward. Good deeds are only good if they don’t come with strings attached.

3. He threatens to “crush the life” out of other people

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Killing people, or even just threatening to, isn’t cute and it definitely isn’t nice. Nor is being jealous of your relationships with other men.

4. He won’t accept no as an answer

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Whenever I hear “Why does she keep turning me down?” I always want to say “Why do you keep asking?” Accept her decision and I promise she’ll let you know if she changes her mind.

5. He demands a reason for rejecting him

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Ladies, you don’t owe anyone an excuse — made up or legit — for why you don’t want to go out/give out your number/hook up/become Facebook friends. Besides, excuses often don’t work as creepy guys will just see it as a challenge to overcome.

6. He makes everything you do about him

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Don’t want to go on a date? It’s because you hate him, not because you’re busy. Don’t smile when he holds open a door for you? It’s because you hate him, not because you’re tired after a long day. Don’t feel like chatting when some random approaches you in a dark grocery store parking lot for a “pleasant” evening chat? Obviously you’re a man-hating feminist ball-crusher taking advantage of his kindness. Obviously.

7. He turns on a dime

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A friend was recently asked for her number by a guy at the gym. While he seemed really sweet when he was chatting her up, when she said, “No, thanks”, the dude yelled, “Well you’re a fat whore anyhow” before stalking off. There’s nothing nice about calling someone a bitch, insulting her appearance or threatening her after she turns you down. That’s just being two-faced.

8. He assumes you need or want his help

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Help is nice, don’t get me wrong. But a guy should ask first if you’d like assistance, not assume you need to be rescued.

9. He thinks he knows what you want better than you know what you want

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“You don’t really want to order the salad do you?” “You want long hair, it’s much prettier than short hair.” Or, of course, “You only think you love him. You really love me.”

10. He tires to make you feel guilty

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His problems with women? Not your fault.

11. He makes fun of other women

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A true nice guy will be nice to all women, regardless of whether or not he wants to sleep with them. If he’s only nice to girls he wants to bang, then he’s just an opportunist in nice guys’ clothing.

12. He creates a threat so he can save you from it

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True story: I once had a date tell me, “I could totally rape you right now and there isn’t anything you could do about it… good thing I’m a nice guy.” Um, nope, now you’re officially a creeper. Also, let me out of the car now.

13. He’s offended when you’re cautious of him

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Women aren’t “afraid of the world” nor do we “fear the good guys.” We’re afraid of men in general — because we have to be. We turn a guy down and risk getting shot, stabbed, burned by acid, punched, mass murdered, raped or “just” publicly humiliated. Of course it isn’t all men or even most men but a true nice guy will understand why you might be wary at first.

14. He carries around black duct tape and uses it to leave you passive-aggressive notes in public places

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That’s a questionable move. Period.

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