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Your secret sex fantasy is probably more common than you think

Sexual fantasies are totally normal and should be a part of every healthy relationship. Of course, you want to make sure everyone involved is comfortable and on board with the idea before proceeding, and if they are, you should go ahead and revel in the kinky.

There’s a wide spectrum of sexual fantasies out there that people have explored, but a few are much more common than others. Researchers in Canada decided to find out exactly what those few were, specifically among the people of Quebec.

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The researchers asked 1,040 men and women about their sexual interests and fantasies and whether or not they actually acted on them. What they discovered was that a large majority (about 46 percent) of men and women are most into the idea of voyeurism, or watching other people have sex. Of those 46 percent, 35 percent said they’ve tried it.

I decided to see if this voyeurism fantasy trend existed in the States as well. I casually polled some friends and acquaintances and found that voyeurism was definitely interesting, but not the most fantasy-worthy.

Dalia, a writer from Chicago, said, “I like being made to do things. Not sure if that’s quite S and M, but if he takes control and tells me to get on my stomach and spread my legs, it makes me crazy.”

Lindsay, a lawyer from Los Angeles, said, “My fantasies are about someone I find attractive having their way with me, and though I desire them, it’s not my choice to have sex with them. Like I’m under their power.”

Chris, an animator from New York, liked the idea of being watched rather than doing the watching: “Sometimes I’ll ask a lady I’m with to just watch me masturbate. No sex, no touching. Just her eyes on me is enough to get me off.”

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And finally, Kevin from Brooklyn liked a combination of the above. “The hottest thing is being told I can’t do stuff, like I can’t touch her or myself, or turn around,” he said. “It’s the best when I’m with a girl who’s in control and we’re doing everything in front of a window.”

Now, that stuff”s not so crazy, right? And it’s actually rather common for women to want their guys to dominate them. In fact, a 2014 study conducted by the University of Montreal found that the most popular fantasies of the 1,500 people they polled weren’t all that weird, either. Here were the top 10 for women: feeling romantic emotions during sex, being in a specific atmosphere/location during sex, romantic locations, unusual locations, oral sex, giving fellatio, being masturbated by their partner, masturbating for their partner, sex with someone who’s not their spouse and being dominated.

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Sexual fantasies do not have to involve any high-tech toys or elaborate role-playing games to be super fun and exciting. Most of the time, they’re just simple little adjustments that work to totally change up the dynamic in the bedroom (or wherever your kinky self likes to have sex).

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