Everyone has that one well-meaning friend who dishes out advice as quickly as they can take it. Not all advice is good advice, and some advice can destroy a good relationship if you’re not careful. Weeding out the truths from the lies can be a tough task, but don’t fear! Here are five lies you can combat right now to save your love life.
1. If you’re unhappy then you should break up
There is an element to relationships that many singles are completely oblivious to. It’s this idea that if you are not happy you should end the relationship. This concept leads to a lot of unnecessary breakups!
There will always be moments of unhappiness throughout the course of your relationship, because life is not perfect. Your partner is not perfect. You are not perfect. Those moments may last as short as a few hours or as long as a few years. What’s important is that you and your partner are working together to resolve those areas of unhappiness together.
If your moments of unhappiness become long periods of unhappiness, and your partner is not willing to work with you to overcome them, you should break up. Life is too short to be with someone who does not value you enough to work towards improving your relationship.
2. They have to treat you like a queen
Your partner should always make an effort to show you how appreciative they are to have you, but don’t be so selfish as to think that you should be the only one who feels important. Reciprocating that value and importance to the person you’re with is vital. If you are unwilling to acknowledge their value, it is very likely that you will lose them.
Take time to show your partner that you care about their thoughts, opinions and contributions to the relationship. It need not be extravagant, but a quick, “I really appreciate you,” can go a very long way. Don’t let selfish ideals or tendencies tank your love life.
3. He should want to be with you all the time
As optimistic as this comment may be, it is simply unrealistic. Personal space and time for self is essential to the growth of your relationship. If you spend every waking moment with each other, you will never have time to do the personal work that is required to progress your relationship.
If he wants to spend a night out with his friends, that’s OK. It doesn’t mean that he is not interested in being with you, it means that he is an individual with other valuable relationships. These other relationships and experiences help grow you as a person.
It’s not about whether you like his friends or not; it’s about respect, love and trust. If you neither respect, love nor trust your partner enough to be away from them for a day — or even hours — then you have deeper issues.
4. Sex is the most important part of your relationship
Sex is extremely important in every relationship, but it is not the most important — and only — aspect of your relationship. Trust, respect, communication and thoughtfulness are equally important. You can have sex with your partner several times a day everyday, but if you treat them horribly or are disrespectful and uncaring, they can still cheat on you!
It’s all about balance. If you’re giving more weight to one without the others, it is likely that your relationship will crack at the weak points. Remember, there will always be someone smarter, prettier and more appreciative. Someone who will make them feel more special, someone who will have more sex with them or someone who will meet other needs more. What you bring to the table is what will set you apart from the rest.
5. Looks don’t matter
There is something that attracted you to your partner. That something may be as simple as their sense of humor or as extravagant as the loud blue and orange Mets jersey they wore when you met. Whatever the reason that caused you to pause, it’s important that you don’t lose it.
As you grow as a couple, your attraction to your partner may change. That doesn’t make you an evil person, it makes you a real one! If you care about keeping your partner interested in you mentally, spiritually and emotionally, don’t discount the value of the physical.
Take a few extra minutes in your day to give yourself a boost. Add a little eye liner to your typically makeup-free face or purchase a cute top that accentuates your assets. Encourage your partner to do the same! A little extra TLC never hurt anyone.