He wants sex, you just want to rest after a long day. Instead of hearing him complain for the umpteenth time about your lack of desire, these tips will help him get you in the mood.
No one in a relationship wins when one person is dying to have sex and the other is just dying from exhaustion or stress. It isn’t fun being the party who feels undesirable or like he/she is constantly nagging the other for sex, nor is it wonderful being on the receiving end of constant requests. Many women say their husbands or partners expect sex, but instead of putting in the work to help get them in the mood, simply get fed up when the women in their lives aren’t immediately receptive to their advances.
Communication is key in these situations, but it isn’t always easy for women to clue their partners in on how they can help prep them for incredible sex. There are times when we may not even know what it takes to get the ball rolling.
We spoke with relationship experts, who shared five tips that you can give your guy the next time he wonders what it takes to get you fired up for sex.
Don’t rush — We all know it takes women a lot longer to both build up to and achieve orgasm, so if we know our partners are in a rush to feel pleasure, we’re less likely to get excited about sex. “Don’t pounce,” says relationship expert April Masini of Ask April. “If you want to get her in the mood, slow is the way go, so block out enough time to make it worth her while.”
Understand that foreplay begins long before you touch her — For many women, sex isn’t just about that moment in time — our sexual desire increases the more loved and appreciated we feel, and that’s something that builds up over the course of a day. And all of those little romantic gestures that work wonders in romance novels and films shouldn’t be disregarded as corny. “A glass of wine, a bubble bath, a fire in the fireplace, dinner by candlelight — these are clichés for a reason: They work,” Masini says. “A romantic mood that starts way before your lips touch hers, is essential to better sex for her (and you).”
Help her reach orgasm first — If your partner knows you’re willing to dedicate the first portion of your night to helping her achieve an orgasm (whether orally, manually, with a toy or with penetration) there’s a better chance she’ll look forward to sex. “If you’re one to call it quits after you’ve reached the finish line, help her get there first,” Masini says. “Mutual satisfaction is always a plus.”
Leave the house — While it isn’t always possible to drop everything and take a trip to an intimate wine bar every time you want to have sex, if you can both plan a date that involves leaving the house, you might find yourselves more relaxed and eager to return home and rip each other’s clothing off. “Women have to feel a level of comfort and be relaxed in order to ‘get in the mood.'” says relationship expert Midori A. Verity, who is the author of Secrets to a Kick Ass Marriage. “The perfect way to do this is to give her a foot massage, or even better — get her out of the house and put her in a stress-free environment.”
Pick up the slack — It may sound crazy, but yes, women greatly appreciate it when we’re released from some of our stressful responsibilities — having less to do and think about definitely gets us in the mood. “Women often have a difficult time switching off the part of our brain that keeps track of all we have to do,” says Dr. Suzy Olds, founder of After Nine Tonight. “So my advice to men is: Help your partner disconnect from the perpetual to-do list in her head by taking some of it off her plate. Finish the dishes and give the kids a bath while you give her time to get in the zone of intimate thoughts.”
It’s important to remember that we are equally responsible for helping to create an amazing sex life for ourselves and our partners. If we aren’t communicating our needs to our partner, we shouldn’t expect him to simply read our minds. Discover what turns you on and then pass on that information — your partner (and your body) will thank you for it!