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Losing my virginity actually kind of sucked

The media (especially TV and movies) glamorizes the act of losing your virginity. They paint a picture of the girl, often painstakingly, coming to the decision that “it’s time.” She tells her significant other, and he is (usually) completely willing and perhaps relieved she’s “finally” ready. They do the deed, which is, of course, Earth shattering, vow that they’ll remember this moment forever, then they live happily ever after, right?

Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. All too often, girls do it before they’re truly ready and regret it almost immediately after. Then, there’s the often not discussed aspect of it: it hurts! Both of these were the case with me.

I was 15 and sure I was in love with this guy who ended up being a real jerk. He was about three years older than me, so we had to wait — much to his contempt — until I was “legal.” Once I turned 17, the legal age in our state, the pressure mounted. He’d literally bug me about it almost every day. When I hesitated, he’d accuse me of having someone else. No less than a week after my birthday, I finally gave in.

In retrospect, I’m certain it was more about getting him off of my back than it was actual love. What we had wasn’t love, it was possession.

During the act itself, I was in pain and uncomfortable. Some of that, I came to find out, was because I’m allergic to latex. I didn’t know at the time, so it added to my discomfort. Afterwards, I was an emotional mess. Unlike a girl allegedly should, I had no desire to run and tell my best friend so that we could talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about it at all. I wasn’t ready, and I think — subconsciously — I knew it.

I don’t write this as a reason for people to feel bad for me. What happened was my fault and my fault alone. I write it as a cautionary tale to all of you young ladies — or mothers of young ladies — out there: sex isn’t a game or something to “just get over with.” It’s real life with real consequences.

I got lucky in the fact that nothing detrimental, like a sexually transmitted disease, happened to me. I did, however, get a bruised ego. So, to all of you young ladies out there, take it from me: make sure you’re ready, because once it’s gone, your virginity isn’t something that you can get back.

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