Merry holiday season, my kindred break-up friends! Time to celebrate that your ex picked one of the suckiest and “jiltiest” times of the year to dump you. Rather than wallowing in heartache, we’re gonna turn your ho-ho hurt into one of the “holliest” and jolliest times of the year! In fact, we’re going to give the X in “Xmas” a whole new meaning — by celebrating that this Christmas your ex has given you the best present you’ll receive: Your sense of self and sass back.
To do this, I’ve put your “Ex-mas Boyfriend Cleanz” into a holiday edition “break-over,” starting with a little detox: six ways to help get you through the initial shock, hurt, self-pity and desire to be naughty not nice. (You’ll do it without being arrested, going bankrupt or entering rehab or witness protection!) Here you go…
Enjoy a detoxing, “re-toxing” yuletide cocktail
‘Tis the season to party! You can detox as you re-tox to balance the toxins, hurt and anger in your heart, body and mind with this yummy holiday cocktail.
Detox, re-tox cocktail recipe
- 1 lemon (alkalizes the bod and flushes out the liver)
- 2 pinches turmeric (purifies liver and provides antioxidants
- Pinch of fresh ginger (improves absorption of nutrients)
- Tiny pinch of cayenne pepper (bolsters metabolism)
- 8 ounces cold or hot water
Re-toxing ingredients (optional):
- 1.5 ounces vodka or tequila
- Squeeze a lemon into a wine glass or mug.
- Add the turmeric, ginger and cayenne pepper.
- Fill the container with water, or the re-tox shot!
- Garnish the drink with a lemon wedge.
Bring joy to yourself
Rita Rudner said: “I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.” Retail therapy soothes the soul — and not to mention how fab you’ll be looking!
Tip: Bring cash or a debit card instead of credit cards to avoid the lack of joy from paying it off for the next 12 months.
Put on those sexy stilettos, that little black dress and your hottest shade of lipstick and go celebrate your freedom with your BFFs. Be flirty, dance and do a karaoke serenade of Eartha Kitt’s “Santa Baby” to a cute guy. Have fun! Just be safe and make sure there’s a designated driver or that Uber’s on speed dial.
Deck the halls with his stuff
Pour a cup of hot chocolate (versus wine, so you don’t turn this into a melancholy walk down memory lane) and leave no nook or cranny unturned, since any remnants of your ex will trigger tears, hurt, loneliness and cravings for too many gingerbread cookies. Give his stuff to charity, with the exception of jewelry, particularly if it’s an engagement ring. Sell it and indulge in new bling. Tra la la!
Make your own “Frosty the Ex-man”
Before you “donate” his stuff, use it to showcase your inner snowman-building talents. Invite friends and make it a fun activity. Take pictures of your masterpiece and share them — we’d love to post them and your break-over story on Boyfriend Cleanz. Then, take aim and throw snowballs at your ex-man. Très therapeutic!
Delight in a silent night
Enjoy time alone and indulge in a chamomile tea bath, which according to my buds at Red Door Spas is a wonderful soothing healer. Simply pour a quart of boiling water over 4-5 chamomile tea bags. Let them steep and cool for at least 15 minutes. Remove the tea bags and swirl tea into your drawn bath. Dim lights or light candles. Play holiday music. The glass of bubbly is optional — but highly recommended!
Next up: Your Ex-mas Reboot!