The idea of “faking” orgasms is pretty much seen as an exclusively female activity. Some moans, some gasps and some writhing, and you can get on to the rest of your day. But as it turns out, women aren’t the only ones who are pretending to reach the big finish.
A new piece in Vice indicates that about 28 percent of men have admitted to faking an orgasm. So all those times your man grunted, groaned and whooped, maybe a couple of those were a big, fat lie? Noooooo! Say it isn’t so.
In the piece, a number of men talk about faking it, why they do it. And how. Or, as one interviewee says:
“An exaggerated grunt that bordered on yelling, followed by a complete bodily collapse. Then I’d quickly take the condom off and throw as far from the bed as possible.”
Yikes. Is it possible we missed this? Could men face the same pressures we feel? Are we really so blind that we don’t know this?
The fact is, when we get into bed with someone, even someone we have been with 1,000 times before, there is a fair amount of pressure. We want to look good, smell good, and just generally BE good enough to make the sex hot. This is the reason that women often say no to sex. It’s just too much to ask when there are a million other things going on. Men feel that same pressure, but I daresay it might be even worse.
Men are supposed to be the sexual ones. They are the aggressors and the ones who people will think something is “wrong” with if they don’t constantly want to have sex. It’s an enormous amount of pressure and these mixed signals about what does and doesn’t define masculinity do make men feel badly. Often. Is it any wonder they might feel the need to throw in a fake orgasm, too?
The men in the piece say they had reasons it was hard for them to finish. And as a woman, I will admit to being annoyed when my partner takes a long time. Not to mention the fact that I feel like something is wrong with me that isn’t allowing him to finish. No wonder a guy might feel like he needs to get to the end with aplomb.
Here’s the thing: We all need to stop this nonsense. Neither women nor men should be faking anything. Sex is no good without communication and if a man is having a problem getting to the end, then he needs to address that issue. Otherwise, it will snowball. One fake orgasm turns into two turns into five and so on. It’s not healthy.
We all need to act like sexually active adults and have the conversations we need to be having. This is most true with a new partner, but it’s really true with any partner. If someone is not enjoying sex to the fullest, that is a problem that needs to be addressed right away.
If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to speak your truth. Ladies, be aware of your man and if you think he’s faking it, bring it up. There is no shame in open communication.