My husband is hands down my very best friend in the world. That might not sound surprising to many people, but lately it has come to my attention that in modern marriages, we are not supposed to be “everything” to one another.
“I can’t imagine not having my best girlfriend,” a friend recently told me on our morning walk to school with our kids. I see her point. I also have a best girlfriend I adore and couldn’t live without. But when it comes to the person I most want to hang out with, most want to tell my deepest, darkest secrets to, and most want to laugh with, it’s him.
So why do I feel like a loser for saying that?
So many articles seem to focus on the downfall of the modern marriage and how expecting our spouses to be “everything” to us is ruining marriage. But I say it’s the opposite. I can’t imagine being married to someone I didn’t want to eat junk food on the couch with every night while watching B-grade horror flicks. Of course we love each other and get romantic, too, but the root of our relationship is in a deep, abiding friendship.
I tell him everything. One of the cornerstones of our marriage is our honesty. I know everything he has ever done with every past girlfriend and he knows the same about me. I tell him when I find someone attractive and he tells me the same. There are no boundaries between us, for better or worse. If he weren’t my best friend, I can’t imagine what my life might be like.
Maybe it is because we married young. Or because we have known each other since we were 10. My husband and I were in elementary school together and then remet when we were just out of undergrad. The marriages I know that started when the couple was young do often seem to be rooted in friendship more than marriages where the two people came together as fully formed adults.
We grew up together. Every first — houses, career changes, promotions, babies — we experienced together. We have supported one another through it all. So when it comes down to it, I would never choose a girl’s night over a date night with my best friend. I would never choose a girls weekend over a weekend away with my spouse. Every second we can grab without our three kids is precious and there is no one in this world I would rather spend that time with.Does this make me codependent? Maybe. But I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s how we roll.
My husband is my best friend. He is my everything. And I am not ashamed.