It’s that time of year again when couples spend their evenings coming up with adorable duo costumes to wear at Halloween parties, and remind all their single friends that they’re alone.
While they might think their Sia and her chandelier costume is perfection, you’re probably mentally throwing up all over it (or literally if you’ve been hitting the punch bowl enough). When did Halloween become all about lame pair-isms? If you’re so over it, and ready to take back your Halloween, there’s one simple way to do it — make things super awkward for them!
1. Left at the altar
What better way to take a newly engaged couple down a notch than by dressing as a sad bride or groom whose intended just jilted them? Find an old wedding dress (or suit) at your local Salvation Army, stain it with your colored alcohol of choice, and put plentiful eyedrops in your eyes to get your makeup nice and runny. Done.
2. The ghost of Jack from Titanic
If anyone asks you where your Rose is, you can say something like, “She said there wasn’t enough room on the door, so…” Awkward silence guaranteed! Better yet, write, “She let me freeze” on a cardboard talking bubble.
3. Thing 1 without Thing 2
Easiest way you ever shut two people up. Just find a red shirt and tights, or better yet, a red union suit onesie, and slap a white paper or cloth circle on your chest that says “Thing 1” in big, black letters. For extra fun, consider wearing a blue wig, or coloring your hair with non-permanent dye or chalk. Thing 1 would’ve been fine on his own — 2 was always the more co-dependent one anyway.
4. The missing piece
What if Shel Silverstein’s famous poem The Missing Piece ended without the circle and piece finding each other? You could capture that depressing alternative ending by cutting out a piece of colored cardboard in either one shape or the other, and stick it to yourself. Remind your couple friends that some of us are still (and may always be) looking for their missing piece.
5. Lower half of a donkey
This one’s sad for so many reasons. First, you’re literally an ass. Second, you’re missing the part that makes you any sort of recognizable thing. To make it especially weird for couples, just keep coming up behind them to see if you fit, then stand up and sadly trot away when you realize you don’t.
6. Incompatible European plug
The electrical outlet and plug couple’s costume is by far the most gag-worthy, because of the hit-you-over-the-head obvious sexual undertones. However, if you turn that on its head, and come as an incompatible European plug, you’ve pretty much torpedoed all those sexual puns.
7. Ron sans Hermione
Ron all by himself without Hermione (or Harry for that matter) is one sad sack of red hair. He can’t perform magic all that well, he always looks a little unkempt and is usually getting into some amount of trouble. However, before your friends try to set you up with another seemingly single Hogwarts student, just sigh and say, “I’m not quite ready to date. Ever since Hermione cheated on me with Harry, I haven’t been up for it, if you catch my drift.” For extra effect, get one of those wands that droops when you push one end.
8. Ex-girlfriend Facebook stalker
I saved the best (and creepiest) one for last. All you have to do is screen grab some Facebook stalking you’ve been up to, blow it up, print it out, and stick it all over your body. Extra points if the person is actually going to be at the Halloween party you’re attending.