People cheat for every reason under the sun. We know this. But the most common reasons people cheat tend to fall into two main categories, according to science.
The first reason a spouse might start looking at someone else has every thing to do with boredom. The sex doesn’t even have to be bad. It just has to be rote. The same old week after week.
Of course, that’s not the only reason. The other main reason people cheat is obvious: The marriage is bad.
“They don’t want to leave for various reasons — children, money, you name it — but they’re just sort of aching for something that’s emotionally reinforcing,” sex expert Pepper Schwartz told Yahoo. “And a lot of people use sex for that and pursue another relationship.”
It makes a lot of sense. Marriage is hard. Relationships are difficult. People stray. On the other hand, wouldn’t it be nice if we could all just be honest with each other? Seriously. Having been married almost 13 years myself, I know how marriages go through valleys and peaks. Some days are good, some aren’t. Some years are good, some aren’t. But the thing that has always kept me from straying too far from my vows and from my primary relationship (even when bored or unhappy) is this: communication. Seriously, look into it.
For people who are thinking that an affair with another person will solve the problems in their primary relationship, the awakening they will face is ugly. Affairs never turn out well. Never. Even when they are fun and sexy and hot as can be, they always end with someone hurt, someone angry, and more often than not, at least one marriage destroyed. How is that worth it?
Marriage is not supposed to be easy. It’s not supposed to be a romantic movie montage every second of every day. But the problems in marriage should always be addressed. If you are bored, tell your spouse. Really. It might hurt him or her, but it will hurt a lot less than you getting with another person.
If you are unhappy, go into counseling. Talk to a religious leader in your community. Find some way deal with that. And if it doesn’t work, split without the pain of an affair adding to the whole mess.
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There may be two categories of cheating, but there is really only one thing that can stop it from happening. That’s knowing exactly how and when to speak to your spouse. Communication may just save your marriage.