The idea of dating a married man is horrifying for many single women. But we all know it happens. It happens more than any of us would like to admit, in fact. So why? A new article in Women’s Health explores the reasons a woman might pursue a married man, and it’s quite horrifying.
The Women’s Health
piece focuses on the reasons a woman might choose to date a married man
— he’s obviously a catch since someone chose him, he’s open to commitment, he’s a grown-up. It does not offer any judgment and instead just focuses on why women might choose to buck morality and date someone who is already someone else’s husband.
The piece makes some good points. Married men ARE attractive for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that someone who is taken by another woman is obviously attractive. After all, why else would she want him? But, at the risk of sounding anti-feminist or somehow against letting women have choices, I have to say to my fellow women: just say no.
It’s not about being a homewrecker (although, honestly, come on) or about some “sisterhood” of code among women. All those things exist and matter, but they are not the sole reasons to avoid married men. The best reason is yourself. Period.
When I think back on my dating days, I can’t help but remember how amazing it felt to be in love and be someone’s one and only. Knowing that my husband had eyes only for me and that I was special to him it’s hard to imagine someone going a different path. How could you choose a man who is already with someone else so deeply they got married? Or started a family?
All may be fair in love and war, but it is not fair to oneself to start a relationship that way. Forget the fact that you are a homewrecker. Instead consider all the drama you will have to wade through to even get to the good part (assuming that is even a possibility). Divorces are awful and painful, especially if there are children involved. And even after the divorce is final, assuming there are kids, that ex is going to be in your life. Forever.
Is that really the way you want your love to be?
So, yeah. No judgment mistresses and mistress wannabes. But just consider what you are doing when you enter into an arrangement like that and then ask yourself: Is this what I want for me. No man is good enough for that, if you ask me.