So I’m going to put all my cards on the table here — my fiancé occasionally goes to strip clubs. He doesn’t go by himself on a Tuesday night after work or anything, but from time to time, he enjoys the scene with his buddies.
And while it’s certainly not my favorite pastime of his, I’m totally fine with him going, as long as he tells me about it. Sometimes I’ll even go as far as to ask for details about the excursion, because I’m genuinely curious about the appeal it holds for guys.
My interest has been known to make him a tad uncomfortable every now and then, because I think he thinks I’m trying to get him to admit to something incriminating. However, nothing could be further from the truth. I’m simply fascinated by the idea of it, because the (female) strip club is something that speaks almost entirely to heterosexual men, and for the life of me, I can’t understand the language.
He’s never been able to give me a precise answer on why he enjoys going to strip clubs, but from the bits and pieces of his experiences, I’ve gathered it has to do with feeling like you’re in a fantasy. I asked guys on Reddit to elaborate, and aside from a smattering of “boobs” comments, I got one pretty enlightening answer.
User dnedad585 said, “girls act like you’re super interesting and attractive and awesome and they want nothing more in life than to worship you and give you all the sexual pleasure you want.”
Essentially you’re in the dark, surrounded by mostly naked women who give you the time of day — I can’t imagine what heterosexual male wouldn’t find that fun and exciting.
I know my fiancé goes to strip clubs for good, clean(?) fun rather than to satisfy a need I’m not meeting at home, which is why it’s not an issue in our relationship. However, for some men, frequenting strip clubs is more than a pastime — it’s a habit that stems from dissatisfaction in their lives and perhaps relationships. In those cases, it’s often kept a secret, because the guy feels guilty or wrong about it, and that’s where the trouble starts.
Dr. Chauntelle Tibbals, sociologist and author of Exposure: A Sociologist Explores Sex, Society, and Adult Entertainment, commented on this aspect of going to strip clubs to Bustle.
“I don’t think strip clubs are the danger in relationships. Things like porn or strip clubs aren’t the problem. The danger is when people aren’t honest with their partners and refuse to talk about it.” Strip clubs are often comforting to people who feel lonely or unable to connect with their partners for one reason or another. They can talk to a stranger whom they feel isn’t judging them, all the while staring at her boobs. Perhaps if therapy was offered in strip clubs, men all over the world would be more communicative and emotionally well-adjusted?
In my opinion, at the end of the day, a strip club is really no worse a place for a guy to let off steam than is sitting on his couch, playing video games. However, if it becomes an addiction and/or your guy is keeping it hidden, that’s where the real issue lies.