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Why no one actually wants to hear ‘you’ll find someone’


From the time a woman is a little girl all the way to adulthood, she hears a similar demeaning phrase: “You’ll find someone.”

It begins with “you’ll find someone someday, when you’re all grown up,” and after some years eventually becomes, “No boyfriend? Well, you’ll find someone.” The point is, as long as you’re single it never stops.

This phrase drives me absolutely insane, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Sure, I get that those who utter this phrase to me really do have the best intentions. They are trying to tell me I’m amazing and I’m going to find someone that realizes that one day. All that sincerity aside, I still want to throw that phrase into a pit of fire and erase it from their vocabulary.

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People make it seem as if this is a woman’s main goal in life. They make it sound like a woman’s life is empty if they’re single, like being single is something to pity or the way to mend a broken heart is to just “find someone.” They might not think they mean it this way, but subconsciously, on some sort of level, they think a woman’s source of happiness and measure of success, is in fact finding a romantic partner. That is what society has taught us after all.

I told a coworker I was content in being single, and he still felt the need to immediately follow it up with “I know you’ll find someone.” It’s as if he couldn’t believe a woman actually could be content alone, and he certainly isn’t the only one with this mentality.

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There are plenty of other phrases people could use that don’t feel so belittling. My personal favorite, “you have so much left to do and a lot of people left to meet.” This gets the same point across while also implying you have other things to accomplish in this life aside from a romantic relationship. Not only that, but it implies you will gain friendships and other experiences by meeting these other people, as well as finding that special someone along the way.

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Telling someone you know they will find someone is sincere, and sweet even, but given the wrong execution, it can rub an independent individual the wrong way. It’s not that we don’t want to find someone — we just want to accomplish an array of other things in life as well. That fact needs to be acknowledged just as equally.

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