When it comes to the topic of sex, many people still turn red and try to change the subject. Sexuality and women have been misunderstood for a long time, and while there has been some progress over the past few decades, many myths are still alive today.
“Sex myths are created to instill fear, guilt and shame by organizations who want to control our second basic instinct [which is] sex,” says Dr. Ava Cadell, who holds a Doctorate of Human Sexuality and is the founder of Sexpert.com. The site was voted 2015 Sexpert of the Year by The Sexual Health Expo. She believes that empowering women with positive information about their body and sex can lead to happier lives.
If we want to continue promoting positive female sexuality, there are three big myths that it’s time for us to all stop believing.
1. Orgasm isn’t important for women
If you were to base all your knowledge about female sexuality on what we see in the media, you might be led to believe that orgasms are not important for women, but that’s far from true.
“In fact over the past ten years there has been much evidence to show that when a woman does orgasm with a man she releases oxytocin, a powerful hormone that brings her closer to her mate,” says Dr. Dawn Michael ACS, Board certified clinical sexologist and relationship expert and author of A Couples Guide to Better Sexual Intimacy.
She adds that when a woman doesn’t orgasm with her partner, after a while, it can hurt her sexuality. “When a woman is with a partner that she does not orgasm with for a long period of time, it can turn her off to sex,” suggests Michael.
2. Dryness means you’re not turned on
“Some women get wetter than others, but that doesn’t mean that if your body doesn’t produce lubrication that you’re not turned on,” shares Cadell.
She says that a variety of things can add to dryness including condoms, medications or menopause and advises that couples “have lube handy for more comfort and sensuality.” So, if you find sex uncomfortable, don’t place blame — just reach for your favorite bottle of lubricant and get things going again.
3. Women enjoy sex less than men
Many still assume that women don’t enjoy sex as much as men, but that’s not the whole truth. The reason, says Michael is not because women enjoy sex less, but because women enjoy it differently. “Women simply go about it differently because of biology, women have to be more selective because they ultimately give life,” she adds.
We have come a long way in understanding female sexuality and because of this, two common misunderstandings of the past have finally been set straight, for good.
4. It is a man’s responsibility to make you climax
“The Victorian idea that women are above knowing their bodies well enough to show a man what works best for them, is a myth,” says April Masini, relationship expert and author behind the AskApril free advice site. She adds that the result of a better understanding of female orgasm through self exploration has led to happier relationships and better sex for both partners.
Michael agrees and says that if you want to have better sex, you need to take control and not leave it all up to your partner. “Women need to take control of their own sexual pleasure and learn what turns them on and make them feel good and then show their partner,” she shares.
5. Women do not masturbate
“I think it is clear that women do masturbate with 70 percent of sex toys being purchased by women,” says Michael. And a recent study overturned the common idea that vibrators and sex toys intimidate our partners.
The survey conducted by Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion concluded that men are not as intimated or threatened by female sex toys as you may think. More than 70 percent of the men asked said they “disagree or strongly disagree” with the statement that vibrators are intimidating to women’s partners.