It’s a common misconception that women are more insecure than men when it comes to sex. This is because generally men are less comfortable admitting when they’re vulnerable, especially when we’re talking about sexual performance.
Tracey Cox, British sex expert and author of several books on sex and relationships, says men actually struggle with a great deal of anxiety and insecurity in sexual situations. Since society still considers men dominators, they often feel pressure to play that role in the bedroom, even if they’re feeling anything but powerful. In fact, the pressure to live up to certain expectations is exactly why more and more men are turning down sex.
Pfizer, the largest pharmaceutical company in the world and the producer of Viagra, conducted a study back in 2000 that focused on male sexual performance. The results showed 59 percent of Italian men — stereotypically considered the most sexually virile — had major insecurities about sex. If those numbers are at all accurate, imagine how much more the rest of the less virile-y known world feels?
Here are the four biggest insecurities men have in the bedroom, and how you can help take some of the pressure off.
1. They won’t last long enough
The sex guys have in porn is very misleading for most men (and women) when it comes to stamina. It makes men feel like they need to be marathon runners in the sack in order to be considered decent. However, research in New Mexico showed out of 10,000 couples, the average sexual encounter lasted seven minutes. According to sex researcher, Dr. Harry Fisch, that’s exactly how long women need to go to have an orgasm, so I think men everywhere can stop trying to beat the clock so much.
2. Men have body issues too
Think you’re the only one who feels insecure naked? Think again. A whopping 63 percent of guys feel like they need to lose weight, and 41 percent feel like people are always judging their appearance, according to Today.com. So the next time you’re worried about your dude noticing that roll in your stomach, just know he’s just hoping you’re not noticing his. The moral here is pointing out little issues you have with his body hurts him way more than he lets on.
3. They’re terrified of disappointing you
Some of the most common sexual issues — performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction — result from guys’ fear of being bad lovers. However, because they don’t want to look like they don’t know what they’re doing, they usually won’t ask for direction from their partners. This leads to unsatisfying sex for both parties involved, and probably an aversion to it the longer the issue goes undiscussed.
Positive reinforcement is key here. You can instruct mid-coitus without making it feel like a lesson. All it takes is both partners being open and constant affirmation when things start going well.
4. They worry about how much size matters
As long as men have penises, this will probably be an issue, and funnily enough, it seems to have less to do with female satisfaction and more to do with male competition. Just to set the record straight, the average male penis is 5.6 inches, and 95 percent of men in America fit into that measurement. And more importantly, women usually don’t care about your size. However, men should be reminded of this often, even if it is more of a d***-swinging competition than anything else. The last thing you want is Boyfriend Junior to get a complex and suffer from perpetual stage fright.