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Why I still dress up for my husband after 12 years of marriage

Twelve years ago, when my husband and I said I do in a mansion full of our closest friends and relatives, I was in a white dress with my hair perfectly styled. I’d been tanned, buffed, waxed, made up and decked out in every way by a team of experts and looked, at the time, the absolute best I could possibly look. It should have been the best looking day of my life. And, in many ways, it was.

In the many years since we married, I am sorry to say my husband has seen me in far more yoga pants than dresses. He’s seen me in sneakers a lot more than he’s seen me in heels. But I still go all out when I can.

Last weekend, we had a big party and I spent days getting ready. I got tanned and had my nails done. I bought a new dress and shoes and I got my hair blown out. Sure, I was excited to go out on the town and look good in general. But I also wanted to prove to my husband that I could do it, too.

The truth is, when you have been married as long as we have and you have three kids and you work a lot of hours all from home, it can be very hard to find a reason to put on lipstick or straighten your hair or really make any effort whatsoever to look decent. Amazingly, I found that even though my husband always finds me attractive, the fact is, a little effort goes a long way.

Imagine that.

M, a writer from New Jersey, says she also tries to be hot for her husband. Within reason.

“I wear more natural toned down makeup — even when I’m feeling frisky with that bold lipstick or eyeliner — because my husband prefers the cleaner, fresher, glowy look,” M says. “I also wear my hair down (when he comes home, I take it down if it’s been up all day!) because I know he thinks that’s sexier. It’s very important for me to feel attractive to my spouse, but there are also things I like to do with my style (blonder ombre color, for instance) that he’s not a fan of… because I do want to be attractive to me, too!”


My hair is long because I like it, yes. But it’s also long because he likes it. My face is largely makeup free for the same reason. I keep my body hairless for him. Is it weird to dress for my husband and let him dictate my hygiene practices? Maybe. But it’s also practical. He’s the one who sees me. He’s the one whose opinion I most cherish and value. So, yes. He gets first dibs on how I look. He gets to veto certain things and when I dress up, I do so with him in mind.

I don’t feel bad about this. I don’t think it is anti-feminist. He is mine and I am his. I want him to find me hot. It works for us.

Do you ever dress up for your husband?

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