When sex is good, it’s really good. But here is what we’re all thinking when it’s bad. Really bad.
At first it’s: “Sexy time, suckers!”
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Turn off the lights and turn on some music! It’s business time. But then…
2. “This face sucking is a dubious start.”
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His saliva to lip ratio is all wrong.
3. “Wait, what is happening?”
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That was unexpected.
4. “OK, this is different. I can go with the flow.”
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I’m game for trying something new. That’s who I am, after all. Modern woman.
5. “I’m not sure this is a flow I can get behind.”
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Nope!
6. “No foreplay? What, are you a high school kid?”
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I’m not a machine!
7. “So many noises.”
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Oh my God, what is making all that noise?
8. “I might die if that slurping noise doesn’t stop, immediately.”
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Oh, the suction.
9. “All I can see is that mole.”
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The mole. Is that a third nipple?
10. “So this is what jack-hammering means.”
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Never before has rhythm been such a terrible, terrible thing.
11. “Did he just say — yes, he said that.”
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What in the hell does that even mean?
12. “Dang it all, now I have to say something back!”
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“You are also a super-sexy superhero man. Rarr.”
13. “Well, that was a waste of new lingerie.”
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Better luck next time.
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