The year the groundbreaking movie Fifty Shades of Grey is hitting the theaters on Valentine’s Day. Two hours of steamy, sexy, interesting, unusual sex. I’m all for experimentation but just in case Valentine’s Day becomes a bit overwhelming, here are eight very accessible and sexy ways to connect with your love.
1. Be confident, because confidence is sexy.
t If you and your love have been together for a while, it’s likely you have allowed your partner to peek behind the curtain. He probably knows about your obsession with your belly fat or the dark circles you wake up with each morning. The acceptance and love you receive in your relationship is amazing, but for tonight, you need to drape yourself in something sexier than anything you have worn before: confidence.
t Discard the need to complain about your less-beloved body parts. Release the need to ask if your pants make you look fat. Don’t point out the obvious signs of aging (that sprout of white hairs at your crown). Instead, own the parts you do love. Wear something that shows off your fabulous legs. Wear a fun hat to cover up those grays or better yet, just rock them proudly. Wink, smile, snuggle, grab his hand and be confident. Own the fact you are with someone who loves you no matter what. See what he sees. I promise, he thinks it’s very hot.
2. Create anticipation by looking forward to your date
t Do you remember what it was like when you went on your first date? The fancy dinner under low, romantic lighting was secondary to the preparation. Getting those flirtatious texts, deciding what to wear, watching the clock for the 30 minutes before because you got ready too early. The anticipation is the most delicious part of those first dates.
t Bring that anticipation into your well-worn relationship today. Send sexy photos to your love (please avoid duck faces and nakedness). Tuck a sweet note into his jacket pocket telling him how much you are looking forward to being together. Get excited about planning the night. Talk about it in the weeks before. Get ready separately so you can exclaim how well you both clean up. Anticipation will make your date a little more exciting.
3. Compete with each other
t Now, I don’t want you to get in a fight, but working a little competition into your Valentine’s Day can transform your boring dinner date into an opportunity for shameless flirtation. Long-term relationships are very utilitarian: You share bills, accompany one another to work parties and divide household chores. For a moment, see each other as fun and powerful individuals with a little healthy competition.
t There is something sexy about trouncing your partner in a go-cart race. Losing a race to the bottom of the hill in snow tubes creates a space for sexy teasing. Keep it light and keep it fun. Play a video game at your favorite bar or challenge your partner to a few rounds of darts. And while you are competing with each other, tease each other. You’ll see each other in a whole new light.
4. Go back to school
t There is something about learning that opens our hearts. Not having all the answers, bonding together in shared vulnerability. It requires you to depend on each other, problem solve together and, in the end, celebrate together. The operative word: together. Learning opens your heart and once your heart is open… well you know how the story goes.
t Cook a recipe you have never cooked together. Let her teach you how to play pool. Take a snowboarding lesson together. The shared learning experience (picture teasing, laughing or even getting a little edgy with each other) can spark a very important ingredient in your mix: passion.
5. Make out in weird places
t When we first started dating over 15 years ago, my husband I had these intimate conversations over dinner so provocative we had to run out to our car as fast as we could… to make out. There is something really fun and sexy about literally steaming up the windows on a cold night. Why should you wait until you return to a respectable place to get close to the one you love? Take back the sexiest dating moves from the first moments you met and make this moment special.
t Get out of your bedroom and get connected! Pick up a meal at your favorite hamburger joint and park in a cool location overlooking your city. Listen to your favorite XM station and find a quiet spot near the lake. Talk, laugh and most importantly, kiss.
6. Make it personal
t For many, Valentine’s Day seems like an overgrown Cupid who feeds on overpriced greeting cards. That’s OK; don’t buy into the hype. Some of my favorite lover’s day memories are the Dr. Seuss-like poems my husband has written to me over the years, detailing fun moments and intimate details only the two of us share.
t Sure you might choose a funny card, but include your top 10 favorite moments in the last year. Gather up your favorite selfies with the one you love and create a fun collage. Serve up his favorite dinner in nothing but an old shirt you made into an apron. If anything, Valentine’s Day should be a holiday that celebrates your connection, right?
7. Face each other
t There will be no shortage of romantic movies to watch on Valentine’s Day this year. Skip what I realize is an easy and relaxing activity and replace it with one that forces you to face each other and look each other in the eye. The power of eye contact is well documented, but the truth is, this is a moment to catch up on the life your partner lives away from you. Take a second to remember that funny scar above her eye or his uneven ears. If you are feeling disengaged or even irritated, why not take a break from the wear and tear of daily life and get to know each other again.
t Choose a truly intimate dinner place. Hold hands, feed each other and most importantly connect through laughter and conversation. Ask questions about jobs, friends and the future. Don’t assume there isn’t more to discover. This date could be the beginning of many more engaged and connected moments.
8. Go into it with gratitude
t Hey, if you have somebody to enjoy and love, enjoy it that person. Be thankful. Go into it with gratitude and kindness. Of course there are a million things to be irritated with and I’m sure you aren’t any picnic either. But it’s always a privilege to have someone to enjoy a day of love with, so bring that energy into your day, or night, and it will be fine!
t No matter what you choose to do, you can tap into the power of gratitude. For your eyes only, make a list of everything you love about your love before you get dressed. Reminisce together about the good times you have had. In between bites, breathe in a thankfulness you have this person to share life together.