There are plenty of bachelors roaming around, but how do you know if you’ve found one who’s in it for the long haul? Relationship expert and CEO of Blue Label Life Samantha Jayne explains how to figure out if your guy is a) the one or b) just in it for fun.
Is He The One Or Just In It For Fun?
How to know if he’s the right match
When you’ve been dating a man for a few months, it’s normal to start asking questions like, do we have a future together? Is he right for me? And the big one: Is he the “one”? Whether you believe in the idea of soulmates or not, Jayne says there are a few things you can assess to figure out if you and your guy are a good match. If your relationship ticks most or all of these boxes, congratulations — you’re on the right track to finding long-lasting love.
The single most important thing is values, values, values! Do you share the same views about family, fidelity, financial goals and lifestyle factors such as smoking, drinking and exercise? Believe it or not, couples that have similar taste in music and TV programs are three times happier than those who don’t.
You want the same things
Thanks to this fast-paced society we live in, so many couples fall victim to the daily grind and eventually grow apart. That’s why it’s crucial to find a guy whose goals are similar to yours. If you want the same things, you will work together — and your relationship will have a much better chance.
Couples who play together, stay together
You know you’re on to a good thing when you can have fun, laugh and enjoy the simple pleasures in life with your partner. If you bring the best out of each other, you’re on the path to happiness.
Communication is key
All successful relationships have one thing in common: communication. Openly express your needs and allow him to express his and you will have a very fulfilling, honest relationship.
You can do sweet nothing together and still have fun
This one really doesn’t need an explanation, but we’ll give one anyway. If you can sit next to each other on the lounge doing absolutely nothing, or go for a drive to nowhere in particular and still have a giant smile on your face, he’s a winner.
Your arguments are healthy
All couples disagree at some point; it’s natural. But there’s a difference between toxic and healthy arguments. If you can work things out by expressing your needs and wants, that’s healthy and you will actually end up stronger. If you have screaming matches where neither party is listening to the other, that’s toxic.
They say drama is the spice of life, but in relationships, it can lead to disaster and heartache. Unhealthy drama is the result of subconscious drama. It’s exhausting and not sustainable. If you’re telling yourself that your relationship “thrives” on drama, that’s a worry. Oh, and drop the party boy — he will always be a party boy until he decides to change.
Check out how to spark up your love life >>
How to make him commit
So you’ve got a man and your relationship is (mostly) smooth sailing. The question at this stage is: How do you make him commit? There is a fine line between reeling your man in and pushing him away, so you will need to tread this topic lightly. Samantha Jayne says that commitment is a “two-sided story”: It is in your control most of the time, provided your guy is the “commitment type”.
The commitment type
There’s a reason why some men want to settle down while others are perennial bachelors: The former are commitment types, while the latter couldn’t think of anything worse than being “tied down”. If you want to find out if your man is likely to commit to you when things get serious, start by looking at his closest friends. Are they in long-term relationships, or are they boys about town? Then, look into the past to predict your future. Has your boyfriend got a history of flings and one night stands? Did he have a playboy’s attitude “before he met you”? Finally, assess his short-term commitment habits. Does he only ever want to see you at the last minute? Does he tend to avoid committing to a date until the day of? Is he never around on a Friday or Saturday night? You know the warning signs, ladies — if you’ve answered yes to most of these questions, you’re probably wasting your time.
The easy path to commitment
For years — maybe even centuries — women have struggled with making men commit. Jayne says that making a man commit is as simple as this: Men want to find out what you want and give it to you. In other words, make him feel valued and needed and he will hold on for dear life. This mentality goes back to the caveman era, where men had the “provider” role — they hunted for food, provided shelter and protected their families while women were caring and nurturing mothers. To this day, men want to please women (in more ways than one!). Let him have this power and your relationship will flourish.
If you need more advice, Jayne has written a whole e-book on this topic. Check it out here.
Steps to a happy, healthy and long relationship
Okay, so you’ve worked out that your guy is a good match and you’ve gotten him to commit. Well done! Now, all you need to do is make sure your current dynamic keeps going the same way it’s going. Jayne has seven tried-and-tested steps to a happy relationship — follow these and you’ll be smiling all the way to lover-ville (or perhaps the altar).
Step 1: Soften up
Let your man know how important he is to you. Men love independent women, but there is a blurry line between being independent and detached. Don’t be afraid to reveal your soft side. Give a little: Acknowledge the little things he does and show him that you will be by his side through thick and thin.
Step 2: Take the pressure off
Accept his vices and flaws. If he loves to watch sport and you couldn’t think of anything worse, catch up with a girlfriend or go to the beach. It is healthy to spend some time apart, if only to give him the opportunity to miss you!
Step 3: Be positive and encouraging.
When he’s feeling stressed or emotional, be his sounding board. Listen and offer him encouraging advice. Men don’t get this kind of support from their friends, so do this and you will be the one he turns to when he needs help.
Step 4: Family and friends
Take an interest in his family. Be proactive in organising reunions such as weekend visits or Christmas holidays. If his friends aren’t your cup of tea, don’t be negative: Accept them and acknowledge that you do have minor differences. Think about it: He may not see eye to eye with all your friends, so a little sacrifice can go a long way!
Step 5: Be exciting and evolving
Be captivating, spontaneous and unpredictable. Take on new interests and reveal different facets of yourself as the relationship progresses. Be the couple that bursts the myth that marriage is a life of boredom. Show him that if he were to put a ring on it, he’d be in for a life of adventure.
Step 6: Stay connected when you’re intimate
Sex that involves both body and mind will put you on the fast track from girlfriend to marriage material in no time. Keep things interesting, get to know his passions and tell him how good he makes you feel.
Step 7: Support your man to be the best he can be
Help him reach his full potential by actively supporting his goals. Encourage him and only challenge him if you have his best interests at heart. If you help him to accomplish things, he will appreciate you so much more.