A Cursed Long List of Bad Pickup Lines to Make You Cringe (& Laugh)

We’re not sure where bad pickup lines started, but somehow they’ve become almost an art form. (Or at least the bad ones.) Whether you’re trolling dating apps or sending something cheese-tastic and groan-inducing to your SO (they’re stuck with you! They have to love you anyway!), finding a few lines that strike the balance between “woof” and “LOL” is a great way to break the ice or re-inject some fun into your conversations. After all, isolation and quarantine time on top of Gemini season means you need to have a powerful sexy texting game.

How do you craft something full of puns and nonspecific compliments that’s cheesy enough that the other person might assume there’s some depth underneath your one-liner? We’re not sure, but people manage to do it. What we really want to know is: Have any of these ever worked? Was it only ironically?

Anyway, we hope these pickup lines will give you a laugh. Just promise never to (seriously) use them — unless you’re really that charming.

These cheesy pickup lines are so bad, they’re almost good.

“Was your mother a beaver? ‘Cause damn!”

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“Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore — my face should be among them.”

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“It’s handy that I have my library card because I’m totally checking you out.”

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“Did you just fart? Because you blow me away!”

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“Do you work at Subway? ‘Cause you just gave me a foot-long.”

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“Hey, girl. Are you German? ‘Cause I wanna be Ger-man!”

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“I hear you’re looking for a stud. Well, I’ve got the STD and all I need is you.”

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“Are those space pants? Because your ass is outta control!”

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“Do you have a Band-Aid? ‘Cause I scraped my knee falling for you.”

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“Can you touch my hand? I want to tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel.”

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“If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.”

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 “I’ve lost my teddy bear! Can I sleep with you instead?”

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A version of this article was originally published in February 2015.

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