We’re not sure where bad pickup lines started, but somehow they’ve become almost an art form. (Or at least the bad ones.) Whether you’re trolling dating apps or sending something cheese-tastic and groan-inducing to your SO (they’re stuck with you! They have to love you anyway!), finding a few lines that strike the balance between “woof” and “LOL” is a great way to break the ice or re-inject some fun into your conversations. After all, isolation and quarantine time means you need to have a powerful sexy texting game.
How do you craft something full of puns, important information about your cat and nonspecific compliments that’s cheesy enough that the other person might assume there’s some depth underneath your one-liner? We’re not sure, but people manage to do it. What we really want to know is: Have any of these ever worked? Was it only ironically?
Anyway, we hope these pickup lines will give you a laugh. Just promise never to (seriously) use them — unless you’re really that charming.
These cheesy pickup lines are so bad, they’re almost good.
“Was your mother a beaver? ‘Cause damn!”
“Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore — my face should be among them.”
“It’s handy that I have my library card because I’m totally checking you out.”
“Did you just fart? Because you blow me away!”
“Do you work at Subway? ‘Cause you just gave me a foot-long.”
“Hey, girl. Are you German? ‘Cause I wanna be Ger-man!”
“I hear you’re looking for a stud. Well, I’ve got the STD and all I need is you.”
“Are those space pants? Because your ass is outta control!”
“Do you have a Band-Aid? ‘Cause I scraped my knee falling for you.”
“Can you touch my hand? I want to tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel.”
“If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.”
“I’ve lost my teddy bear! Can I sleep with you instead?”
A version of this article was originally published in February 2015.