We’re not sure where bad pickup lines started, but somehow they’ve become almost an art form. (Or at least the bad ones.) Whether you’re trolling dating apps or sending something cheese-tastic and groan-inducing to your SO (they’re stuck with you! They have to love you anyway!), finding a few lines that strike the balance between “woof” and “LOL” is a great way to break the ice or re-inject some fun into your conversations. After all, isolation and quarantine time on top of Gemini season means you need to have a powerful sexy texting game.
How do you craft something full of puns and nonspecific compliments that’s cheesy enough that the other person might assume there’s some depth underneath your one-liner? We’re not sure, but people manage to do it. What we really want to know is: Have any of these ever worked? Was it only ironically?
Anyway, we hope these pickup lines will give you a laugh. Just promise never to (seriously) use them — unless you’re really that charming.
These cheesy pickup lines are so bad, they’re almost good.
“Was your mother a beaver? ‘Cause damn!”
“Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore — my face should be among them.”
“It’s handy that I have my library card because I’m totally checking you out.”
“Did you just fart? Because you blow me away!”
“Do you work at Subway? ‘Cause you just gave me a foot-long.”
“Hey, girl. Are you German? ‘Cause I wanna be Ger-man!”
“I hear you’re looking for a stud. Well, I’ve got the STD and all I need is you.”
“Are those space pants? Because your ass is outta control!”
“Do you have a Band-Aid? ‘Cause I scraped my knee falling for you.”
“Can you touch my hand? I want to tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel.”
“If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine.”
“I’ve lost my teddy bear! Can I sleep with you instead?”
A version of this article was originally published in February 2015.