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Hey guys, flowers and candy can’t buy booty on V-Day

From a guy’s perspective, what good is Valentine’s Day except a fabulous and romantic opportunity to prostitute your girlfriend?

That’s the question that came to my mind when I ran across a recent askReddit thread where a woman dared to ask the classy men of Reddit, “What do guys really want for Valentine’s Day?”

I think you know where this is going.

While some men were sweet and thoughtful, most men responded that they go through the motions of flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s Day for the payoff of a blowjob or at least, you know, a sloppy hand job. Here are a few of my favorites from a sampling of this particular hidden corner of the internet:

“Be suggestive and teasing while we are out at whatever plans I made for the evening. Don’t make me engage when we get home… All the flowers and restaurants and crap was me giving you emotional foreplay. Kick it up a notch.”

“A blowjob and a steak.”

“I want a blowjob with a finish. For the love of Christmas, finish the job and swallow.”

“Forty dollars for a night alone at a sports bar during a hockey game without you. And you have to drive so I can get drunk. And a blowie.”

Does this sound familiar to you? While I certainly hope that most boyfriends don’t verbally share these thoughts without the veil of internet anonymity, the conversations I’ve had with my best friends tell me that such requests are common. In this day and age, romance has two steps: 1) Boy buys girl flowers and chocolates as payment, and 2) Girl rewards boy with a sexual favor.

Everyone. Stop for a second. That’s called prostitution. Giving sex for payment is the very definition of prostitution, which means that normal men and women all over this great nation are engaging in prostitution every day. In its current state, Valentine’s Day is apparently the day we’ve chosen to celebrate the world’s oldest profession.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Guys, women don’t owe you a damn thing if you buy them flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s Day. It’s called being considerate and thoughtful. Ladies, you don’t owe a man anything if he tries to wine and dine you. A “blowie” given from a place of obligation is a sexual favor in return for payment. That’s prostitution, and it’s not great for building a healthy relationship.

Now, guys, if you want to wine and dine your ladyfriend on Valentine’s Day from a place of kindness, you might even discover that a sloppy hand job is still on the table as part of a healthy sexual relationship. Just a little food for thought.

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