Anyone who has been married for any length of time can tell you that the idea that sex ends after the wedding rings go on is a myth, plain and simple. Sex continues. It doesn’t die. But it does dwindle. And it goes through phases. And sometimes one person wants it more than the other. So Daily Mail offered a challenge to three couples. Instead of saying “no,” the one who often turned down sex was to say “yes.” To every advance. What would happen?
All three couples who took the Daily Mail challenge have children (one has children from a previous marriage). All three have busy careers and many reasons not to have sex on any given day. Like all couples. But they had to balance their mismatched libidos by not saying no. One thing that was interesting about this challenge is that it’s not always the man who wants sex and the woman who doesn’t. In this challenge there was one couple in which the man was the one who turned her down more often. Take that, dumb stereotype!
The couples had extra sex, but they didn’t do it every night. It wasn’t about a boink fest that would make everyone miserable. It was about helping feed the self-esteem of the partner who is often being told “no.” And it seemed to work.
The fact is, getting married isn’t a license to have sex whenever you want. Consent still matters. But it can be demoralizing as a lover to be told no every single time you make a move on your partner. So this challenge is a great idea.
I know after almost 12 years of marriage, there are more than a few times I have taken my husband for granted and not always said yes even when I know it mattered a lot to him. His mood changes significantly depending on our frequency, but sometimes even knowing that, I just can’t do what he asks of me.
Well, I am going to change all that. The fact is, I can’t really remember a time I made the first move where he turned me down. I do know, though, that there have been times where I have been frisky and he hasn’t been. And I know that hurt my feelings.
These couples didn’t report anything earth-shattering. They didn’t discover something new and amazing. But they did boost each other’s self-esteem and spent some time in bed together. Sounds like a good deal to me.
I might institute my own challenge these next few weeks. Stay tuned.
Would you ever try this?