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10 Things going through your head when he’s a dirty talker and you’re not

If you take Jason Derulo’s word for it, you might think that everyone wants you to talk dirty to them. But what are you supposed to do when he’s a dirty talker, and you’re not? What if his explicit bedroom language catches you totally by surprise?

For some people, there’s nothing like a descriptively dirty word to get your motor running. For others, dirty language in between the sheets will have you blushing like a virgin bride on her wedding day. Awkwardness during sex is guaranteed when a dirty talker and pure-tongued partner meet.

It’s gonna get weird.

Here’s exactly what you might be thinking when you find yourself in this dirty little predicament: 

1. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?



On second thought, don’t bring up his mother when he’s kissing you with that mouth.

2. Should I say it back?

Doctor Who


“Um… You’re a bad, bad boy who needs to be punished. Too much?”

3. Do I sound like a robot?

Love robot


If your dirty talk comes across even remotely like a sexy robot, he probably won’t notice.

4. Do I sound like I’m giving driving directions?



“Yes, put it there. To the left. No, your other left. It feels so good on the left. There you go.”

5. Should I curse?

Bill Murray


If it feels good in the moment, why the f*ck not?

6. What if I laugh?



This might happen. Just try to make it sound like a sexy giggle, and your secret is safe.

7. What should I call his penis?



Almost nobody has this one figured out. Use the name, preferably non-clinical, that sounds most comfortable to you.

8. Should I comment on size?



Yes, a thousand times yes.

9. Am I supposed to keep talking?

Shut up


Dirty talk in the bedroom should never turn into a three-act monologue. A few dirty sentences will do you just fine.

10. Did I do it right?

The Good Wife


The good news is that there’s no wrong way to dirty talk. If you let a few bombs drop and had a good time, you did the dirty deed just right.

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