Must European women do everything better than us? They can eat butter by the stick and still weigh 105 pounds (thanks, France), they manage to raise children and remain calm and cool (aren’t you just so great, Denmark?) and now this: Apparently their breasts aren’t as saggy and droopy as our American boobs. But the good news is we can steal their secret — as long as we’re willing to compromise a comfy night of sleep.
A Beverly Hills plastic surgeon named Dr. Randal Haworth has invented the NightLift bra, which pretty much sounds like a detention camp that each of your boobs retreat to — separately — where they spend eight hours in seclusion each night. Instead of working like a regular bra that holds up both breasts, this one features two “sling-like” compartments that cradle and hold up each breast in order to prevent them from sagging and getting wrinkles.
Haworth has been perfecting his bra for six years now and after creating an astounding 47 prototypes. The doctor got his idea after realizing many European women sleep in their bras and, as a result, have firmer breasts than their American cousins who let it all hang out at night.
But don’t even think of simply keeping your day bra on at night. That’s not going to cut it, sister. The NightLift is wire free and made of foam and soft microfibers. Haworth says your breasts aren’t going to benefit from their structure — which provides “vertical support” — because the “unique gravitational forces” imposed upon them when we’re in bed mean we need “lateral and medial” support provided by — you guessed it — the NightLift bra.
The “Sleep Bra” will set you back $98, which is a lot of money for a single lingerie item, but chump change compared to what some people spend on surgery — so you can justify the expense to yourself that way.
Here’s the unfortunate news: We didn’t learn about this bra before popping out two children and breastfeeding for months and months. In other words: The surgeon says it works perfect for pert breasts that haven’t sagged yet, but won’t fix any sag or wrinkles we already have.
I have to say — as someone who wore a soft nursing bra for months — you kinda get used to it and I don’t think it’s that big a sacrifice to make if you are determined to have the breasts of a 20-year-old at 80. Then again, what if the bra doesn’t work wonders and you realize in years to come that you’ve — gasp! — aged like everyone else and could have been far more comfy while you slept? I say: an interesting idea, but not as amazing as unleashing your boobs from boob jail at night.