The end of a relationship is downright difficult, even if you are the one who ended it. Kay Moffett and Sarah Touborg, authors of Not Your Mother’s Divorce, offer some tips to get you through it.
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1. Find pride
Take pride in the small accomplishments: “I went to work. I answered the phone. I sent a fax.” Try not to dwell too much on The Future, but rather take one day and one moment at a time until things in your life stabilize.
Start a journal (if you haven’t already) so you can record your chaos-inspired poetry, rants, speeches to your ex, new philosophies on life and love, etc. You might produce some of your best thinking to date. Really.
3. Change it up
Rock out the new routines. The early period after a breakup is a great time to discover (or rediscover) what makes you tick. Explore the hobbies you love but haven’t had time for whilst with Mr. Wrong.
4. Perspective adjustments
Fast-forward six months or more. Although it may feel like you are never going to enjoy life or find someone to love again, keep in mind you are in an altered, “post-breakup” state of mind right now and that, with time, you will return to a happier and more stable version of yourself.
5. Call friends and family
Reach out and call someone. Let all your good friends and family know you are single again and to invite you to anything and everything. It’s important to marshal your social network at this time to keep you afloat and give you the support you need during the rough patches.
6. Do things he hated
Do the things your ex loathed, and relish doing them! Watch The Bachelor if he hated it. Blare that Beth Orton song if he thought she sounded whiny. Do whatever you couldn’t do when he was around, and do it with a little jig, because you can now do it all you want!
7. Power up
Get into shape. Avoid the self-destructive tendencies that can arise after a breakup, such as drinking too much and going out all the time, and instead use the new time you have on your hands to get fit. Exercise can allow you to feel like you are taking care of yourself and becoming strong.
8. Pamper yourself
Go for it — indulge in little pleasures. Get a mani and a pedi. Draw yourself a bubble bath every night after work, get a twice-weekly massage or do whatever feels like the most delicious guilty pleasure you can think of. It’s important to rediscover your immense capacity for joy during this period.
9. Clean everything
Cleanse and purge. Now is also a great time to embrace your inner cleaning lady and scour your place from floor to ceiling. Symbolically, this can do wonders for the spirit.
10. Accept yourself
Be phenomenally accepting of yourself. It sounds trite, but go with the flow. Breakups are always difficult and heartbreaking, and you’re bound to feel off-kilter and act a little strange some of the time. Learn the critical importance of forgiving and having deep and abiding compassion for yourself. Keep the faith that things will get better and saner with time.
More on breakups
4 Ways to move on after a breakup
5 Breakup foods to soothe your broken heart
Post-breakup changes to help you cope