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Expert tips for making the first move

Making the first move comes easily to some women, but for others it can be tough (or seem downright impossible). That’s why we’re breaking down the barriers and helping women build dating confidence with some expert tips.

Woman talking to man at bar |

We asked psychotherapist and relationship adviser Christina Steinorth, author of Cue Cards for Life: Thoughtful Tips for Better Relationships, for her best tips for making the first move.

Dress the part

Appearance might not be everything when it comes to dating, but you should aim for a polished look when you’re out if you’re hoping to meet someone. “If you have your eye on someone, dress to impress,” affirms Steinorth. “Not only will you feel better about yourself, [but] you will stand a better chance of catching his eye.” Opt for an outfit that is both comfortable and flattering and something you feel good wearing.

Make eye contact

“Nothing says you are interested in a person more than making eye contact,” notes Steinorth. So that means not looking at the floor, the wall or everywhere other than at him when you’re with him. “When you introduce yourself, look him in the eye, and hold his gaze a little longer than normal every time you interact. He’ll notice,” she advises.

Be tactile

There’s no need to drape yourself all over a guy you’re interested in, but being tactile can help form a connection. “I’m not talking about hugs and kisses, just friendly or flirty body contact,” says Steinorth. “Touch his arm when you’re speaking and trying to make a point.” Just don’t be creepy with your body contact — that means no hugs, just casual contact. “Keep it light and non-sexual.”

Ask him about himself

When you’re interested in someone, Steinorth suggests making him the focus of your conversation and taking an active interest in what he has to say. “When we ask people about themselves, it sends a definite message that we want to get to know them better,” she explains. Plus, asking about him helps take some of the pressure off you to come up with witty stories or funny anecdotes, which can be tough to do when you’re nervous.

Ask him out

You might not believe it, but some men are shyer than many women would ever expect, so don’t assume just because he hasn’t asked you out that he isn’t interested. He might just be feeling shy. “After you’ve flirted with him a bit and he doesn’t seem to be getting around to asking you out, he may be unsure of the signal you’re trying to send or just flat out too shy to ask you,” explains Steinorth. She suggests taking the lead and asking him for coffee or out to lunch or even for a game of bowling. “Keep it simple and light as you get to know each other so there isn’t a lot of pressure to impress one another when you’re together. It will make your date more fun.”

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