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How to get the sex you want

If you want to try something new but aren’t sure how to go about getting it with your partner, you’re in luck, as we checked in with sex expert Gaia Morrissette for her advice on how to introduce new things in your sex life.

Turn up the heat in the bedroom
Couple in bed

Are you happy with your sex life but want more out of it? Here’s how to get what you want in the bedroom.

Have an honest talk with your partner

If you’re tired of doing the same old thing and want to try something new but are afraid your partner won’t want to, you have to start with a conversation about your sex life with them. This could be easy or difficult depending on where you stand in the relationship and on your communication styles. Morrissette suggests opening with something like, “‘Honey, I have something I want to share with you, and I’m nervous about it. Please don’t judge me or freak out.’ This will get your partner to know this is important, and they’ll pay attention,” she says. Share what you want to try in the bedroom. Be sure to focus on what you want to explore rather than what you feel is wrong in your sex life, she says. “If you say your sex life sucks, they’ll be on the defensive.” Then give them time to digest it, and plan to reconnect and discuss it further at another time.

Incorporate games as a playful way to introduce new things

Go to a shop and get a board game or toys that make a playful game of things, says Morrissette. For example, a set of dice that instruct you where to kiss your partner. Turn it into a game, and it becomes an easy way to explore new activities together.

Visit a sex shop on your next date night

Suggest going to a sex shop one night. (One with a heavier focus on education, such as Come As You Are in Toronto, rather than one that just retails items might be easier to navigate.) This way you can discover together what each of you is interested in, and you and your partner can get excited about the outing and have fun checking out the variety of merchandise.

Don’t introduce something new spontaneously

A passionate moment between you and your partner is not the time to try to introduce something new. “This can only go badly,” says Morrissette. “If you haven’t given them time to think about it, there could be lots of rejection and emotional turmoil if your partner freaks out, or they might feel disrespected,” she says.

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