Make your sex life hotter by discovering your biggest turn-ons. Here’s some advice on how to explore your sexual side more deeply.
Maybe you want to spice up your sex life by discovering new things that get you going. Or maybe you’re still just finding out what turns you on in the first place. In either case, SheKnows checked in with Sarah Forbes-Roberts, worker-owner of Toronto co-operative Come As You Are (CAYA), for some advice on how to go about learning what revs you up sexually.
Pick up some educational reading material
“Our mind is our sexiest organ. It’s where all of our sexual energy sparks, and beginning a journey of discovery takes everyone to a different place,” says Forbes-Roberts. She suggests checking out the book The Erotic Mind by Dr. Jack Morin. “Allow yourself permission to find joy wherever the journey takes you. And remember you’re not alone; everyone has their quirks, and it makes us all deliciously human,” she says. From there she recommends making a list of yes, no and maybe. “Then go find the information you need to make your fantasies reality — safely and sanely.”
Attend a workshop
Research online for a workshop in your city that’ll help you discover things you may have never heard of. “You’ll meet other folks that enjoy learning about the same topic, and you’ll learn fantastic new ways to take your own particular turn-on to the next level,” says Forbes-Roberts. As an example, she notes that CAYA hosts workshops such as “Fifty Shades of Play” and “Lusty Locavore.” (If you’re in the Toronto area, you can check CAYA’s schedule of workshops here).
“Our erotic imagination is often unpredictable, and so exploring a bit of what other folks might be trying sometimes gets our own juices going,” she says. “Some folks might find a collection of short erotic stories does the trick, such as Best of Best Women’s Erotica.” If you prefer a bit of character development and plot twists wrapped around sex scenarios, she suggests something like The Fermata by award-winning author Nicholson Baker as a more enticing choice for you.
Get your DVD player ready for some movies. “Some people are just more visual, and these days there’s a lot more choice out there.” When it comes to pornography movies, she suggests exploring feminist directors such as Tristan Taormino and the Chemistry series.