It is so easy to succumb to our desire to talk guys out of misery the same way we talk our girlfriends out. When we deeply care for someone, it is incredibly difficult to let them be when they are down. If dressing up as a clown would do it, then we’ll readily put on a big, red nose. Despite the noble intentions, many guys like to be left alone when they are down.
Guys are wired differently
When we are down, we love to be hugged, consoled and we want to talk it all out. Guys, on the other hand, do not perceive talking the way we do. Talking about how they feel comes after the process and not during the process. By nature, guys are “handymen.” In other words, they love to fix things. Facing a problem automatically alerts their problem solving antennas. When a guy is down, he needs a solution and not comforting words. Yes, he needs to hear that you love him and that you’ll always be here from him. But after the affectionate reassurance, your man needs some time alone to think and reflect.
Put yourself in his shoes
Fighting our urges to smother our men with affections when they are down is much harder than it seems. It comes natural to us to be there and talk to those we care about. And despite his persistence on needing and wanting some space, we often feel bad and negligent if we actually do (despite their requests). One way to do that is to think of how we feel when we are down. Remember the way he kept fighting your solutions when you lost your job and it only made you feel more upset because all you wanted was to hear that “it’s gonna be OK?” Think about his needs too and if you really want to make him feel better, tell him that you’ll be here whenever he’s ready to talk.
Giving him space will make him open up
Contrary to intuitive beliefs, giving your man that space will make him come to you and open up to you. Guys don’t want to worry about you on top of their problem. They don’t want to talk to you and take it out on you or think about you being upset on top of the original problem. So, when you give him that space, he will automatically want to pull you in and care for you.
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