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Talking about how you feel with your significant other

We grow up building walls around ourselves and we tend to open up only when we are fighting. (Perhaps this is one of the reasons they say fights are healthy for every relationship!) But don’t wait for an argument to talk about how you feel. You owe it to yourself and to your relationship to discuss your feelings with your significant other more often.

Couple dealing with conflict

Volcanic eruptions

We might think we are in control: not opening up for fear of turning the conversation into an argument, thinking our jealousy or irritation is insignificant and can be dealt with privately. But, the truth is, the more we keep things inside, the more we think about them and the more they build up. Then, we erupt — and everything we’ve been keeping inside makes the fight worse and larger than it needs to be. To avoid these volcanic situations, always talk about how you feel on the spot, whether it’s an insecurity of yours or a habit he seems not to notice. Men are not mind readers, much as we wish they were. So, spell it out for him and keep the slate clean — for your sanity and your relationship’s well-being.

Write it down

One technique that helps a lot and prevents you from coming across as aggressive or defensive is writing things down first. Write down in point form what is upsetting you, exactly. Sometimes the situation is complicated and our feelings get the best of us. Try to separate his actions from your feelings in previous situations and write down in clear points what’s on your mind. This way, you will have your thoughts prepared and when you talk to him, your emotional entanglement will be a lot more decipherable.

Putting yourself in each other’s shoes

Finally, when you get to the talking part, make him understand that you are not accusing him of anything, nor do you want to start a fight; you simply want him to see things from your end. And also be open to seeing things from where he stands. Just as you want him to put himself in your shoes, try to understand what’s going on in his mind, and his reasoning. Most upsetting situations are a result of miscommunication; each of us does and says things, but the intention and the way it is perceived do not always coincide. So, the way to bridge this gap is to talk about it, so you can deal with it and similar future situations.

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