We’ve all been there — after eating a big meal, or nomming on gas-inducing food, you just have to let it out. Good news, though. A French man has invented a pill you can take that turns your toots into chocolate wind.
Just in time for Christmas, a French man named Christian Poincheval has announced that in addition to violet and rose, you can turn your regular farts into chocolate ones. “Our renowned fart pill is back with a xmas fragrance based on real cocoa. You can now fart through to the New Year in grand style.” So reads the website for a “special xmas edition chocolate aroma fart pill.”
No, I’m not talking about actual chocolate farts (the kind you have to change your underwear for, ew). Poincheval has managed to create a pill that turns your typical intestinal gas scents into those that are more pleasing to the nose. His first efforts were flowery, which is definitely better than regular farts, but this chocolate scent may be the most amazing thing ever.
No longer would you worry about inopportune gas attacks. There is not much worse than letting one slip out in public and hoping it doesn’t follow you around as you try to escape it. If someone catches a whiff, your suspicious actions will target you as the offender. Taking a chocolate fart pill at mealtimes will instead leave you smelling delicious instead of like poop, and you can move away without worry, leaving a cocoa scent in your wake.
Even though everyone farts (it’s part of being human), it’s not generally culturally acceptable in the U.S. to do it around other people. Children learn early on that they’re either hilarious, embarrassing or inappropriate (depending on the actions of the adults around them), and some kids grow up not even knowing that women fart because their moms always did it in private.
The idea of cloaking or hiding natural body smells is nothing new, considering how long humans have been using deodorant (centuries), and how many controversial products there are that are designed to “improve” the scent of a female crotch (like one type of probiotic that happens to make a vagina smell like peaches).
Sometimes people stink, and most of the time, we can’t deal with that. Poincheval says the ingredients of his magic fart pills are all-natural and benefit your tummy, and as long as you take two to six per day at mealtimes you’ll surround yourself in a Christmas-y chocolate aroma as you go about your day. What’s not to love?