A recent girls’ night out with a lot of cocktails led to my best friend confessing that she would rather date Will Ferrell than Adam Levine. What? Who would choose Will over Adam?
tAdam is tall, dark, handsome and has the bad boy appearance wrapped up in one nice package. Will, on the other hand has… well… a great sense of humor.
t This led me to think about all the clients that walk through my door seeking the Adam Levines of this world, but in reality get the Will Ferrells. They are stuck on the idea of perfection, which doesn’t exist. Clients come into my office with a long list of deal-breakers that are totally unrealistic. He has to be a certain height and weight, he can’t like camping, he can’t like sports, and the list of impossible man qualities continues.
t Every human is flawed in some way. We all dream of that tall, dark and handsome Prince Charming that will sweep us away. I hate to break it to you ladies, but our Prince Charming will not be perfect. That hurts to say, but it’s so true. It is important to be realistic when dating. If you are dating with unrealistic expectations then you are setting yourself up for a long road of singledom.
t Here are four basic expectations everyone should have when looking for Mr. Right.
1. If you’re not a 10 he’s not going to be a 10
t Let’s face it, if we don’t look like a runway model then we can not expect to be matched with the Adams of this world. That oddly cute, nerdy guy in the coffee shop could treat you like a queen. Give a fantastic guy a chance even if he is not the tall, dark and handsome dreamboat you imagined. At the same time, embrace your natural beauty. A healthy mind and body is essential in your overall wellness. When we are healthy mentally and physically, we will attract better quality partners. So if you want a 10 in a partner, work on becoming a 10 first.
2. Focus on quality
t When looking for love, focus on the qualities you need, not want. Do you need a high level of integrity and honesty? Do you need someone who understands your busy schedule and supports you? Put your needs first. We tend to focus on our wants. Like we want him to be a certain height, have dark hair and drive a luxury car. When we switch our mindset to what we need in a relationship the dynamics change. This creates happier relationships and less heartbreak.
3. Ignore social circle influences
t Are your friends influencing your dates? Focus on your expectations, not the expectations of others. The expectations of others will often cloud our own expectations. Remember this is your life, not the life of your friends. If your friends love you they will accept anyone who treats you like a queen.
4. Let go of control
t The number one rule in relationships is that you can not change someone. If you expect to change a man in any way, you are setting yourself up for failure. I have had clients say that they will date certain types of men because they can change them. Don’t go into a relationship expecting that a man will change. When you go into a relationship, realize that his current behaviors predict future behaviors.
t Keep your standards high on how a man treats you. However, remember he has flaws too. Finding the perfect love is about finding someone that will treat you with respect, unconditional love and have lots of fun.
t P.S. If you find a man that doesn’t like sports please send him my way.