It’s almost fall, and you know what that means: Everywhere you turn, you’ll find pumpkin-themed and flavored everything… well, except for condoms. The internet was all aflutter last weekend with rumors that Durex was coming out with a pumpkin spice-flavored condom:
The pumpkin flavor lobby must be stopped. pic.twitter.com/CPwUThgHj1
— Wagatwe Wanjuki (@wagatwe) September 7, 2014
Only, you know, it’s totally not true:
Sad news for those who want to pumpkin spice up their sex life (I know, I’m lame) — I mean, there are condoms that taste like scotch, bacon, pot, even garlic, so really, why not your favorite latte? Wouldn’t it be ah-mazing if you could bring your favorite Starbucks flavor to bed with you? Some of their names are practically condom-worthy already.
1. Vanilla Bean
Photo credit: aliciathomas/Tumblr
Because you’re dying to say, “Bean there, done him.”
2. Orange Mango Smoothie
Photo credit: Shelbeatzzz/Tumblr
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
3. Double Chocolaty Chip
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Because single chocolaty would never do.
4. Strawberries & Crème
Photo credit: crushable.com
Not cream, people. Crème.
5. Passion Tango
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This would also make a great porn name.
6. Caramel Macchiato
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Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
7. Iced Peppermint
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I mean, who wants to choke on gum when they’re trying to get it on?
8. Cool Lime
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Don’t forget the tequila.
9. Very Berry Hibiscus
Photo credit: goodreads.com
Would this also count as a serving of fruit? Anyone?