Sexy lyrics are like lingerie — they’re best when they leave a little to the imagination.
Unfortunately, songwriters didn’t get that memo, and we’re left with “sexy” lyrics that leave us cringing. Whatever you do, don’t include these songs on your #sexytime playlist.
1. “Sex and Candy” by Marcy Playground
The sultriness of this song is almost enough to make us forget that it says, “I smell sex and candy.” Not a good combo, bro.
2. “Sledgehammer” by Peter Gabriel
“Open up your fruitcage / Where the fruit is as sweet as can be / I want to be your sledgehammer.” What is a fruitcage? And why do you want to sledgehammer it??
3. “Sexy M.F.” by Prince
Maybe you should call a doctor, Prince, instead of crooning, “I got wet dreams comin’ out of my ears.” That sounds serious.
4. “Afternoon Delight” by Starland Vocal Band
At least this song is good natured, but there are few words as libido-killing as, “the thought of rubbin’ you is gettin’ so exciting.”
5. “Wiggle” by Jason Derulo feat. Snoop Dogg
No, no, no. Do not tell me to wiggle my butt and then make it clap. “No hands baby, make it clap, clap, clap.” It’s one thing to declare your love for big booties, and entirely another to insist they clap for you.
6. “Sugar Walls” by Sheena Easton
“Well, I could make you never want to fall in love again / Come spend the night inside my sugar walls.” You probably had his interest until you called your lady parts “sugar walls,” Sheena.
7. “The Seed (2.0)” by The Roots
Here’s what I’m not looking for in a sexy song: references to farmers, childbirth and infidelity. Also, this: “I push my seed in her bush for life.” What are we talking about, boys?
8. “Big Green Tractor” by Jason Aldean
Again with the farming references. At least with a country song, we can pretend that we’re actually talking about a John Deere, but it’s hard to claim this isn’t about sex: “Climb up in my lap and drive if you want to / Girl, you know you’ve got me to hold on to / We can go to town baby, if you’d rather / I’ll take you for a ride on my big green tractor.”
9. “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa
The sexy sounds of grimacing really highlight the refrain of, “Ah, push it — push it real good.” Admittedly, this song isn’t all bad (but it’s still pretty bad).
10. “Tip Drill” by Nelly
Google this song at your own risk. We can’t even reference the worst of it, but Tip Drill includes this gem: “Now baby girl bring it over let me spit my pimp juice.” Gross.
These are our picks, but there are about a million other ill-advised lyrics out there. Which ones make you cringe the most?