Some things you can only tell your bestie. Do any of these ring a bell?
Thank goodness for Starbucks, text messages and that time between dropping the kids at school and pulling into the office parking lot. We need our girl talk time no matter how it comes. There are just some things you can’t talk about with everyone else. Like…
Remember all the times on TV people talked about sexual dry spells? You and your bestie both swore that would never be you. But, work is insane and you have a s*** ton of laundry to do. Plus, he keeps getting Mexican for lunch.
The benefits of hand jobs
Again. You’re so behind on chores, you’ve went commando for the last week. Now that he’s sat through re-watching The Tudors with you, he wants some action. Someday you’ll blame this very moment for your crippling arthritis. Today, you’re just happy he’ll settle.
Why you don’t care that he watches porn
You love him. You want him. But not always as often as he wants sex.
Why you do care that he watches porn
You will never look like the babysitter or feel like a MILF. Does he expect you to? (rational mind says “no.”)
WTF is that thing down there? It hurts!
“I have this weird knot down there and…” will always be met with, “Oh. I’ve had that. It’s no big deal” and instructions on how she made it go away.
How you got
Because some nights are that good and you must tell someone.
That one thing about him that totally turns you off
Yesterday you noticed he has an hourglass figure. Meanwhile, your waist is expanding. Nothing else will work as quickly to make you want to pull your sweatpants back on and cry yourself to sleep. Girlfriend gets it… and she’ll invite you to yoga.
That one thing about him that totally gets you going
Jesus. The way his new beard feels against the skin on your neck! Or the rumble he makes when he nuzzles into your hair from time to time. Or, okay. This is weird. Don’t laugh. But, the way his forearm flexes when he unclogs the garbage disposal.
That thing he does that doesn’t feel as good as he thinks it does
Listen: Some tongues just aren’t that dexterous. It’s so sweet and selfless that he keeps trying but after about 30 seconds, you’re bored out of your mind. How can you yank him back up without crushing his ego?
The worst part of
buying Plan B
If you’ve ever bought it, you probably know: They won’t sell it to you at the drive-thru. You have to go into the pharmacy to get it. Whether it was a one-night stand or you and Mr. Right just aren’t ready for kid number two, it’s still really freaking embarrassing.
What kind of things are you telling your best friend that would make your work friend blush and your mother gasp?
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