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How to create magnetic attraction in your relationship

Spiritual teacher Howard Falco provides six states of mind that help foster the strongest attraction with your partner so you can learn how to harness the creative power of your mind to accomplish any desire in your relationship.

Happy couple laughing

The energy of attraction is one of the most powerful and important components of a healthy and lasting relationship. It is the heart of passion that keeps a relationship edgy, fun and fresh. When you focus too much on physical appearance, the more an attractive personality can get lost. Learning the key factors that keep your overall energy at its most potent and magnetic can greatly benefit your personal sense of power. Becoming more aware of how to develop and exude this type of glow can keep the bond of intimacy in your relationship running strong.

After 20 years of a healthy marriage and coaching hundreds of men and women through a host of relationship issues, I have learned there are certain undeniable characteristics regarding what makes one desirable, attractive and magnetic to another person. While some of these traits are gender based, many of the most important characteristics are not partial to either sex. They are simply a critical part of what makes one human being very attractive to another. It is amazing what the inner energy of someone’s personality can do for his or her overall appeal and appearance.

The following is a list of six states of mind that help to foster the strongest attraction with your partner.


Inner confidence

A strong inner confidence is a very attractive quality. Quiet confidence, as it is often called, is mysterious and in many ways seductive. It reveals that you have an air of control over yourself and your situation, which makes your significant other feel more of a sense of control just because they are around you. From a physical standpoint, confidence in your appearance also has an intangible energy that is alluring. Don’t get caught in the trap of feeling insecure about how you look. Present yourself as best you can and then “own” it. When it comes to a lasting relationship, your energy and state of mind is far more powerful than your appearance. Remember, your significant other is looking at you for all of you (energy, personality and appearance). That’s what they fell in love with in the first place.


A calm and peaceful state of mind

Being around someone whose energy is relaxed and calm is relaxing in itself. There is no sense of need or pressure and this creates a space that is an attractive place to be. When you are relaxed, it helps your partner to “loosen up.” It is a soothing and inviting environment. This soft, calm energy simply makes others want to be around you.


A comfort with sexuality

Sexual attraction on the outside stems from a comfort with sexuality on the inside. You have to learn to be comfortable with your body and your mind. With your body, you must embrace the beauty of every part of your physical appearance, your subtle sensuality and your raw sexuality. With your mind, you must be open to more of your seductive quality and playfulness. This is a mind that is free from any idea of false taboos or guilt surrounding sex. This is about embracing one of the most natural, pleasurable experiences that life offers and being open to sharing this beautiful experience with your partner. It’s about wanting to be sexually desired, adventurous, serious and fun!


Creative spontaneity

The element of surprise in a relationship makes life exciting. The ability to go with the flow on occasion and break from so much of the rigidness and structure of everyday life can be an alluring quality. I am not saying that you need to throw all responsibility out the window, but it can be very attractive to take the reins on occasion and get you and your partner out of your comfort zone and into a little adventure. This could be something as simple as a day trip, tickets to a play or concert unannounced or a romantic night away. “We’ve got plans, transportation is on its way, you’ve got 30 minutes to get ready… let’s go baby!”



The ability to be real and authentic with your feelings reveals a comfort with vulnerability and honesty. Being authentic means you don’t hide your feelings, keeping your partner guessing or feeling insecure. It means you are forthright and open enough to share your thoughts in a way that puts your significant other at ease. Because so many have trouble being real, talking honestly and openly is rare and a very attractive quality. With nothing to hide and no feelings to hold you back, you are free to express your love fully. Communication then becomes a strong aspect of your relationship.


A positive, fun and optimistic attitude

Optimism, playfulness and humor are attractive; negativity, judgment and cynicism do the complete opposite. Become aware of how you look at yourself and the world and begin to catch and change any negative or ugly language that comes out of you. When you change the way you look at yourself on the inside, your attitude changes toward the people, places and events in your world on the outside. So keep working to become more optimistic, non-judgmental and compassionate with yourself first!

Do not underestimate the power of magnetic attraction that is within you. An open, positive attitude about life, a confident self, the ability to have fun and embrace your sexuality and a love and a zeal for each moment is the most empowering path you can follow. It will surely lead to a place where your relationship will reach new, joyful heights.

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