We all want to lose ourselves in passionate rendezvous, whether with a longtime lover or new beau. But even pretty good sex can always be better sex — and we’re all about improvement!
Contrary to what you might think, it is romantic to schedule sex
Make a sex date! Life is busy and for sex to happen at all it’s best put on the calendar. Carve out sex dates with your husband. “This helps you to be able to anticipate sex and get your mind in the game and this gives him hope that there will be sex at all,” says Leslie Gustafson, marriage and sex therapist and co-author of Amazing Intimacy.
Some sex is way more romantic than no sex because it did not get prioritized. Best times for many couples with children is before they arise or after you have put them to bed. “Lunch” dates are great options too!
Variety is the spice of life
“Keep it interesting by trying something new occasionally — not all the time, but intermittently — whether it’s dressing up, a new position, suggesting a different time to make love, adding different music or adding music in general if you don’t normally listen to it. Spice it up by doing something outside the ordinary routine! Then it won’t become too much of a habit,” says Dr. Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist & SHRINK WRAP media commentator.
Talk, talk, talk
Women often have too much on their minds that can distract them in the bedroom. Sit down with your husband and ask if he can help you get in the mood for sex by letting you clear your mind. Let him know if he listens, it’s a kind of foreplay for you. “You don’t need him to fix anything, just be a “catcher” for your thoughts,” muses Gustafson.
“Most women need at least 20 minutes of relaxing and touching to become adequately aroused and ready for intercourse,” says Gustafson. Slow him down as you go and let him know what does and does not feel good. Men enjoy their wives who enjoy themselves, so use this as permission if you need it, and be assertive with him around what you need.
Go back to school
“Treat yourselves to a tantric sex workshop!” suggests Astroglide’s Sexual Health and Wellness Ambassador and Sex Expert, Dr. Yvonne Fulbright. This could be for just one evening or a retreat you take for an entire weekend. Not only will doing this help you to learn the real deal on westernized versions for tantric lovemaking, it will bring a lot of what you read in books to life, forcing you (in a good way) to connect and practice how to be intimate in a whole new way, like showing appreciation or extended eye contact.
Sexy (talk) time
Give yourselves the gift of time to leisurely talk about your sexual desires, wants, fantasies, concerns, needs, sexual health/safer sex practices. Doing so will enable both of you to approach sex in a totally new, pleasurable and different way. Remember, people can only pick up what you’re putting down. “Take the guesswork out of sexual pleasuring!” says Fulbright.
Share your first time (at anything!)
Your lover may be a total geek about a hobby or have a passion for something you have no interest in, or really, really want to do something that you thought you’d never entertain. Humor your lover by having the experience together. At the very least, the adventure promotes bonding and intimacy and helps both of you to see another side of the other, hopefully increasing attraction.