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Getting in touch with your sexuality

Reading ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ is not an appropriate method of spicing up the your sex life, and neither is ‘cooking dinner naked.’ Sometimes, it’s the most subtle things that make the biggest impact. Here’s what the experts say.

Good Sexuality

Dating and relationship coach Chau Nguyen, founder of The One Who Gets It, recommends the following:

megaphoneIf you really want to be bold…

We all know what a quickie is, but the most important thing is how you start it. Most people would give hints or just tease him, hoping he would catch on. How about changing it up? As silly as it may sound reading this out loud, be direct: Grab his crotch and say, “I don’t care where or how we do this, but I want this right now!”

Get loud

If you have to turn up the music to mind the neighbors, fine — but scream and moan loudly throughout sex. Men love thinking they’re satisfying their woman in bed. The best way to let him know, and the way to keep you hot and bothered, is to pump up the volume. Loosen up and indulge in the grunts and moans.

Alison Tyler, author of Never Have the Same Sex Twice, recommends the following to keep from having your monogomy turn into monotany.

Location, location

Changes are definitely important — and not the wardrobe kind, where you’re wearing a different color socks doing missionary than you wore yesterday doing missionary. Change up the location. Christen every room in your house — and when you’re done, move on to the neighbors’.

Vehicle sex

Forget lions and tigers and bears — oh, my — and consider buses and trains and taxis — oohhhhh, my. Sex in vehicles can max out so many different types of turn-ons. For exhibitionists, there’s the thrill of potentially being seen. Cars often bring back memories of yesterday’s make-out sessions (and can make you feel ‘young again’).

cameraA camera as a sex toy

You can devote entire scenarios to being photographed or taking pictures — or let the cameras or videos become the sex toys, part of the scene without dominating the show. Whatever you decide, your evening is sure to be rated XXX.

Trend alert: Sexy pre-wedding photos >>

“Jilling off”

Even if you are well-practiced in the art of self-love, try doing it with a partner. Nothing is quite as sexy as watching someone who is watching you back. Tina Tessina, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin your Marriage. She says that there’s no reason not to have sex in long-term relationships. “Sex not only will keep your love energized, it’s also fun exercise, a great stress-releaser, and aerobic.” Here are her tips for jump-starting a stale sex life.


Relaxing allows you to be more aware of your sexual energy, enhances sexual feelings and frees you up to respond sexually. Allow time for morning sex, when you are still relaxed from sleep, or after a nap.

Lighten up

Because of media influence, most couples have an exaggerated, stressful image of sex. To have more fun, focus on having fun instead of meeting a goal. Some sex encounters go well, some don’t, so have a sense of humor. Spend more time giggling, talking and being silly and less time under pressure. A lighter attitude makes sex more fun.


The best beginning for a lovely sexual encounter is a good, honest and open conversation. When you were new lovers, you talked and sex was easy. Frequently make time to “catch up” with each other over an unhurried dinner or breakfast. Express your hopes and dreams, clear the air and you can both relax. From there, it’s not such a long distance to the bedroom.

Be flexible

Physical agility can be helpful, but emotional flexibility will really improve your sex life. The longer you and your parnter are together, the more you need options. Mix it up between quickies, romantic sex, make-up sex, fantasy sex, etc.

Tell us

What are some of the ways you try to spice up your sex life? Share in the comments below!

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