We often make assumptions that people who have something we want — a slim figure, or the ability to always look amazing — have an easier life. In this assumption, however, we ignore the single greatest element to success in life and dating: confidence.
Two women are out on the town: one thin, and one overweight, or, as I prefer to call it, “curvy.” Both are attractive, accomplished singles looking for dates.
The curvy girl is laughing, smiling and attracting attention from the opposite sex. Her thin friend is wearing a figure-hugging designer dress and twirling her hair while guys walk right past her like she’s invisible. Her single status perplexes her friends: Men should be banging down her door, desperate for a catch as good as her.
Here’s the kicker: They’re not. But why?
Confidence is the single greatest asset you can bring to the dating scene. It is more valuable than a killer body, pretty face or hefty bank balance. Men are visual, and thus are drawn in by physical beauty. This causes many women to throw up their hands in defeat: “Men are just shallow!” These women are ignoring the obvious: Beyond the first glance, what keeps men interested?
Becoming a good dater requires you to regain your lost self-regard. If you make a compelling enough case to the man in your sights, you have a good chance of him agreeing with it. Enthusiasm is infectious, and you want to be a carrier!
I advise curvy girls that the road to coupled bliss must start at the beginning: with themselves. Many have developed an incredibly negative self-view, reinforced by years of disappointments and self-inflicted criticism. Their crippling self-consciousness prevents them from touting their own accomplishments and celebrating the unique qualities they possess.
Remember when you were a kid in art class? You gleefully painted watercolor pictures and glued macaroni to construction paper, admired your efforts, and then counted the minutes until you could proudly present your work to your parents. The fact that your latest arts and crafts project was likely terrible made no difference; you believed it was good, and your loved ones reinforced that belief by oohing-and-ahhing over it as if they had stepped into the Louvre.
Self-promotion comes easily to some people (see: anyone with the last name Kardashian), but for most women, “selling themselves” is a difficult task. It’s no wonder, when society teaches women that “nice girls” are modest and maternal but turns around and ultimately rewards those who are confident and dynamic. Take this as authorization to be charming, vivacious, and, yes, full of confidence.
And now, the million dollar question — how?
The first step is to acknowledge the valuable qualities you possess as an individual. Consider your friends. They have a host of qualities you value. Likewise, they maintain your friendship because you also bring something unique to the table.
You are valuable.
Surely you can identify something worth celebrating in yourself. Maybe it’s your cooking prowess; perhaps you’re gifted at telling obscene but hilarious jokes. It doesn’t matter what you have, as long as you acknowledge that you do, in fact, exhibit that unique quality.
The second step involves repetition of your new-found selling points. Just as you had to memorize your times tables in math class, you now must commit to heart the things that make you a worthwhile person. Every morning, address yourself in the mirror, stating your positive attributes as fact. For example: “I am funny, caring, intelligent and have sexy curves.” Yes, speaking to yourself while alone in your room is awkward at first, but making your self-affirmations habitual keeps them in the forefront of your mind. Thus firmly lodged, you’ll be able to call upon them whenever it’s time to turn on the magic.
Then you must put your new-found, all-encompassing confidence into action. No, I’m not asking you to turn into a boastful windbag at the bar; men aren’t any more attracted to that than they are the meek, charm-free girl in the corner. Simply hold yourself with the knowledge that, hey, you are someone worth getting to know. Stand up straight, hold your shoulders back and smile. With all you have to offer, what guy wouldn’t want to buy you a drink?