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What I’ve learned the hard way from recent dating situations

You know how one minute you’re in a happy and fulfilling marriage and the next you find out that your husband of 20 years has been cheating on you with someone 10 years younger? Well, I do. I went from country club wife and mother of high school students to a single, 39-year-old “cougar.”

Couple in 40s dating

In this weekly feature, I will share with you all the mind-boggling, head-scratching, is-this-someone’s-idea-of-a-joke moments from my so-called single life. Consider this your private invitation to my tremendous learning curve…

Boyfriend, I’d like you to meet boy-toy

As I was contemplating what intriguing tales I could wow my regular readers with (thank you for tuning in to my dysfunctional dating!), it occurred to me I’ve left a few loose ends here and there. So I thought I’d take a couple of minutes to bring you up to speed.

You may remember when I wrestled with a one-night stand with a boy-toy named “Zach,” had a hard time reconciling myself to that decision and thought I could soften the blow by renaming a one-night stand an “adult sleepover.” That worked nicely until I met an awesome guy, “Scott,” who knows Zach.

I knew I had to tell Scott about my tacky indiscretion because Zach and Scott run in a very tight circle. Too tight. Here’s how it went down. Scott and I were lying in bed one morning, discussing our past. Scott already knew about two of my boyfriends because the town we hang out in is so incestuously small. Scott saw me leave the night of Zach’s birthday with Zach and asked what we did.

Miss B. Haved’s life lesson #242: Everyone has a past. And nine times out of 10, it’s going to be way more scandalous than mine.

Did you hear that readers? It was the sound of the proverbial shoe dropping. I promised myself if the opportunity arose, I would tell Scott about Zach. So I did. And then I held my breath. Scott hesitated only briefly, seemed surprised but without judgment, and then proceeded to tell me all the bizarre sexual stuff he was subjected to before his wife left him.

After he purged himself of what he wanted me to know, but didn’t know how to say, we laughed it off and felt closer to one another.

Airplane pilot/airport doctor

In one of my gut-spilling episodes, I shared with readers how men flocked to me just for being me and talking about the things I love to do outside of raising a family or being in a marriage. In one trip, I had an engaging conversation with an airplane pilot and a doctor. I gave each of them my e-mail address.

The pilot never got in touch. The doctor did. He e-mailed me about what happened on his trip, and I e-mailed him back. That was a couple of months ago. I haven’t heard back. It’s all worked out just as it should. Pilots are always gone, the doctor lived 2,000 miles away and I wasn’t looking for a lifelong mate. I was just intrigued by the connections I was making without even trying.

Facebook regret

Oy. This is still humiliating. I told readers how I was feeling sorry for myself one night, got all liquored up on vino at a neighborhood steakhouse and friended the bartender on Facebook when I got home. Not surprisingly, there is absolutely nothing to report here. He accepted my friend request, but there has been no correspondence. Needless to say, I haven’t gone back to the restaurant where I met him.

Banker crush

This is a tough one. I have a boyfriend (Scott) whom I love. He’s handsome, hard-working, funny, smart, easy to get along with and enjoys the same hobbies I do. Today is our two-month anniversary. This relationship has the potential to go the distance — thus far I haven’t seen any red flags or stumbled across any deal breakers.

Miss B. Haved’s love lesson #243: You can have a flirtatious friendship that goes absolutely nowhere and still be in love, and have a completely satisfying relationship, with someone else.

In a previous post, I divulged to readers the crush I had on my bankerand my pathetic attempts to get his attention. I still love hanging out with and kind of flirting with him. Absolutely nothing has happened, but through our shared sense of humor, there is an undeniable chemistry. But he’s younger and he wants a family. Of course we can’t talk about any of this because our relationship is supposed to be professional. It’s odd to feel those things about someone you know you can’t be with.

More from Miss B. Haved

When the adult sleepover has consequences
Attracting men just got a whole lot easier
The time I mixed booze, Facebook and my love life

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