Skip to main content Skip to header navigation

What your Starbucks drink says about you

Starbucks is a culture, vice, accessory and addiction for many, including those under the age of 5. Whether you’re aware or not, your favorite beverage may actually reveal a lot about who you are. So what does your coffee choice say about you?

Starbucks DrinksVenti Bold Coffee

Venti bold coffee, no room

Typically bold, no room coffees or “red eyes” (coffee with an added shot) are ordered in the morning just as the sky changes from dark to sunlit. Expect this customer to be a corporate male on his way to the office who occasionally brings in his own travel mug to be eco-responsible. He may just order a blueberry scone… if it’s Friday.

Iced grande, sugar-free vanilla, non-fat latte

This is the favored drink of suburban moms. The vanilla sweetener is a low-cal, sugar satisfier and non-fat milk is the only option after an early morning spin class. No guilt for this mom as she heads to playgroup.

Chocolate milk

Whether made with mocha sauce and cold milk or purchased in a small box from the cooler, chocolate milk, or hot chocolate at a kid’s temperature with whip and chocolate sauce, is a staple for the young ones. Clearly this is the underage beverage for the children who accompany their parents during their daily coffee fix. It’s a bribe and a promise.

Decaf, triple, tall, 1 pump cinnamon dolce, 1 pump hazelnut,  soy, extra-hot, foamy, 1 raw sugar latte with light whip

This cup looks more like a Picasso painting than a drink order. Without a doubt, this customer has made his/her beverage as complicated as possible to show off considerable coffee expertise. This customer feels privileged and favored once the baristas know this order by heart, having it ready at the counter before they’ve even reached the register to pay. A dollar better hit the tip jar.

Iced venti, dry Americano

Sneaky, sneaky. Keep your eyes peeled for this untouchable Starbucks “secret.” The beverage consists of the green-logoedFrappuccino 16oz plastic cup, real-genuine, high-quality Starbucks ice cubes and four shots of espresso. Most likely this cheapskate, after paying $2 less than a latte, heads straight to the condiment bar and empties the milk pitchers to fill his/her cup. Refer to this “trick” as the poor-man’s-latte with an added shot. No dollar hits the tip jar.

Grande Double Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino with whip and chocolate sauce

Craving a dessert in a cup that’s a little classier than a Hardee’s shake? No real Starbucks, coffee guru orders or drinks a Frappuccino, let alone a non-coffee, non-caffeinated Frappuccino with chocolate chips and crème. These customers may inevitably be judged from behind the counter.

Iced venti, sweetened, light ice passion tea

You hate the taste of coffee in any form, but still desperately want to go to Starbucks for something.

Tall caramel macchiato

Passion TeaThis customer stands back several feet staring at the menu board looking self-conscious. They refuse help with ordering and eventually spit out, “Tall caramel ‘mach-e-ah-to.'” They feel slightly ashamed when the barista says, “Oh, you mean, a tall caramel ‘mahk-e-ah-to?'” Typically they’re using up a $5 gift card. This person has no idea what a caramel macchiato really consists of except that one can never go wrong with “caramel.”

Venti, soy, no water, chai tea with cinnamon on top

Make sure this beverage is perfect because this customer can taste a difference when made by anyone other than his/her favorite barista. She may even order via the telephone to avoid the early morning rush. Occasionally a chosen barista will hand deliver her drink to her outside because of her dog inhibiting entrance into the store.

Espresso con panna

A double espresso shot with whipped cream, ordered by a true coffee-connoisseur with a sweet side, usually comes with a side of a vanilla almond biscotti and the New York Times. Follow this customer around the store, and you’ll see him sit in a chair, cross one leg over the other and dive into the Times. Unfortunately, unless you’re sipping your espresso on the streets of Italy, your coffee cultural identity is nothing more than ordering a Frappuccino and studying for your final exam in the neighborhood Starbucks located next to Einstein Bros. Bagels.

More Starbucky goodness

Leave a Comment

Comments are closed.