Coca-Cola Plus Is a Weird New Wannabe Health Drink

Apr 28, 2017 at 1:52 p.m. ET
Image: Coca-Cola

I can't hear "fiber" and not immediately think "poop" — especially when fiber is being mixed into a drink of any kind. But Coca-Cola has done just that, and instead of calling their new drink "Constipation Cola" or "Poop Pop," they're naming it Coca-Cola Plus!

The drink has zero sugar or calories and an added 5 grams of dietary fiber. Mmm, gritty, chalky fiber is just what I want when cracking open a refreshing Coke. The added boost of fiber combined with caffeine basically makes it a stubborn pooper's dream come true. Add a cigarette to the mix and a Coca-Cola Plus will have you sprinting to the nearest bathroom within minutes of your first sip. Sounds delicious, right?

More: The Lowdown on Fiber and Why Your Body Really Needs It

It's also great for those of us who hate eating food. Vegetables? Fruit? Ha! Why get fiber from those when I could just continue to chug gallons of Coke each day? Adults need 20 to 30 grams of fiber every day, which is only 4 to 6 sodas. Totally doable (and healthy)!

But in case the thought of drinking that much Coca-Cola troubles you, fear not. The company is also coming out with a Clearly Canadian Plus! Finally, your seltzer will do what you've always wanted it to: make you shit. Buh-bye, LaCroix — don't let the bathroom door hit you on the way out.

The one downside to all of this: Currently, Coca-Cola Plus is only available in Japan. In the meantime, if you want to add fiber to your soda, you'll just have to blend it with dried prunes, flaxseed and oatmeal like the rest of us. Wait — you guys don't do that?

More: Parents use $500 soda contract to get kids to quit drinking soda for a year