This coffee is so strong it could give you a heart attack

Sep 8, 2016 at 2:04 p.m. ET
Image: John-Mark Kuznietsov

When I was in high school, my bros and I (yeah I had bros, don't judge me... until you read the next bit) spent many weekends driving to the nearest convenience store and brewing up enormous 32 ounce coffee drinks using the "super-caffeinated" brew, multiple shots of espresso and basically anything that would give someone over the age of 21 a heart attack. Incidentally, we were too young to buy booze, so caffeine was our drug of choice until then.

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But apparently, some people never grow out of this phase. At Viscous Coffee in Adelaide, South Australia, they're brewing up what's called the "Asskicker," a cup that contains the same amount of caffeine (5 grams) as 52 shots of espresso. That's basically half the amount of caffeine it takes to kill you and 12 times the FDA-recommended daily limit of 400 milligrams, so if you're the type who likes to drink more than one coffee a day, back away... slowly — if you haven't already started getting jacked up on your first cup.

The lethal brew is made by pouring four shots of espresso over four 48-hour-brewed coffee ice cubes and is then topped with 120 milliliters of 10-day cold-brew coffee and four more of the coffee ice cubes. They also use a special method for making their cold-brew coffee that makes it extra-concentrated, and thusly, extra-caffeinated.

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Now, to me, this sounds disgusting. And I consider myself to be a coffee lover. I spend a stupid amount of money on single-origin beans, tinker with my French press and pour-over depending on my mood and love stopping in "over-priced" cafés to get a really good cup of coffee. But this just sounds like the caffeine-blaster brews that I made at Cumberland Farms as a 17-year-old.

However, according to the café owner, the Asskicker coffee is actually pretty good, with strong notes of toffee. And since it tastes so good in spite of its nearly lethal makeup, each cup comes with a warning and a recommended time for sipping. The small cup should be enjoyed over two to three hours, while the large size should be drunk over a four- to five-hour period. Otherwise, you basically risk giving yourself a heart attack.

I don't see myself messing around with a brew this potent any time soon. In fact, just reading about it has inspired me to eschew my morning cuppa Joe in favor of some warm lemon water. But it makes me wonder... who out there is brave enough to play with this caffeinated fire?

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