There is an abomination running rampant through social media this morning, and it is Kool-Aid baked chicken. I don’t know why anyone would do a thing like this, but someone did. And now look. The images are all over Facebook and Reddit. No one is sure who dreamed up and executed this vile plan, but whoever that person is, are you fucking with us? Are you trying to destroy us with this twisted devilry? Who are you, Beelzebub?
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Warning: The images you are about to see are disturbing.
OK. So. Aside from the OMG, why, dear God, why?!? question, is anyone else very disappointed that the baked result is more black than blue? Like, blackened chicken is a thing, I know. But this is something else entirely. It’s kind of an iridescent oil slick bluish-black, but not as pretty. It’s galaxy chicken, but without the sense of wonder and amazement.
And the ultimate mystery is, how does it taste? I’m not running to the stove to find out, but you know what burnt sugar tastes like, right? And you know what artificial berry flavor tastes like. And you know what chicken tastes like. Now imagine the most horrific collision of those flavors together and I’m sorry I just ruined your day.
You know what, though? We all need to pause a moment and thank Kool-Aid baked chicken person. Because nothing, I mean nothing, we do today is going to be as God-awful as that. Today the bar for terrible cooking ideas has been lowered. And we have Kool-Aid chicken baker to thank.
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