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An open letter to Michael Bublé about the way he eats corn

Dear Michael,

You’re scaring people. This photo of you eating corn on the cob like it’s a banana, it’s disturbing. I’m not gonna lie. A lot of us are wondering if you just don’t understand how corn works. People are ridiculing you. Making funny memes.

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But you know what? If that’s how you want to eat corn on the cob, you should just keep going. Don’t let the haters stop you from enjoying whatever’s happening there at the tip of the ear, where the kernals are super tiny, almost too tiny to chew.

For all I know, this could be the equivalent of food essayist M.F.K. Fisher drying out clementine wedges on a radiator before eating them. If so, would you please write an essay on the appeal of corn-ear ends? Because I’m terribly curious about that.

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Or maybe this is your first experience with corn on the cob. Which is weird, because they definitely have corn in Canada. But who am I to judge?

Maybe you’re trying to communicate something deeper. Perhaps this is a secret message to someone. We don’t know.

All I’m saying is, you’re a grown man, and if this is the way you want to eat corn, the world should just let you. End of story.

You do you, Michael Bublé. You do you.

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